o lvl results

so i got back my results alr. and i think most ppl know what i got.

i didnt expect myself to do so well. i was totally stunned. but after realising what i got, i felt alone. because theres a high chance im going to a jc myself. i also felt a little empty inside, even though i was happy and shocked at the same time. idk.

i knew i did give my best for Os. but i didnt expect to do that well. i thought it was all just a dream.

for all those who are saying i should be damn happy with my results, yes, i am. i mean, who wouldnt be right?

as for jcs, i have 3 in mind. either vj, aj or nj. but most likely im going nj with the fag.

so at least i wont be alone.

but like what my sis said, i can always make new friends there, and its not like liew will confirm be in the same class as me. and that made me realise, just like how i came in to sec 1 with tengboon only, i left sec 4 with many other friends. so thats a thing to consider. but maybe jc is diff. after all, its only 2 years.

i can't believe time has passed so fast. i always thought in sec 3 and 4 that i will go on forever in the same class, with the same jokes and the same laughter. but just like everyone else, i have to move on. and im really sad to leave my sch, esp my class, no matter how much bad things i complain abt it in the past, it was a good experience for me, one that i will never forget.

as i think abt this, i wonder, had i gone to st andrews in sec 1, would my results be diff? certainly they would. but not as good as what i didnt expect to get. if you were to ask me what the hell did i do to do so well, it's simple. just do your homework. im not some secret mugger shit that studies 8 hours a day. i don't. after sch i just come home, do my hmk, use the com, eat my dinner and sleep. that's it. and listen to the teacher when you're in class. sec 4 is the most important. one can totally dont give a damn for sec 3, like what i did. so just give sec 4 your best.

and i also have my parents to thank. for helping me. raising me. joking with me. scolding me. it's something that pulled me thru the o lvls. and best of all, they're not like other parents that demand me to do extremely well, they just told me that this is my future and i determine it myself with my own hard work, and the results are not for them, but for me. so i guess that really spurred me on.

and my school. i really have to thank my school. having great teachers in sec 4 is really a benefit, i have to appreciate that a lot. i have to go to work alr. im late. i shall continue this next time. goodbye.

another strange dream

so i had another strange dream last night.

i was at mac, queuing up to buy a $5.50 meal.

i checked my wallet b4 i queued up and there was a $5 note and a 50 cents coin, along with a lot of other coins.

then it was my turn to order. i took out the $5 note and put it on the counter. then i searched my coin pouch for the 50 cents coin, but i couldnt find it. ok so nvm, i thought, i still got other coins. but as i took out all my coins in my palm, they were all malaysian coins.

then the manager of the mac came out and ask why i haven pay yet. i say i not enough money. then he scold me say if i not enough money shouldnt buy. so i explained to him that i lost my 50 cents coin. then suddenly he smiled an evil smile and took out from nowhere a 50 cents coin, and said slyly "you mean this 50 cents coin?"

i demanded to him to return it to me. he say no, and took the 50 cents coin and eat it. before he swallowed it i jumped on his back and strangled him tightly, and in real life i was strangling my pillow lol. then he choked out the coin and it landed on the counter to the cashier, and she said thank you, and i got my meal. i jumped off his back and took my tray. then the manager took out a gun from his pocket, and shot a bullet at me, but i avoided it in time, and i grabbed my coke, opened the lid and splashed it all over his face, stinging his eyes so he couldnt see, then i punched him in his face and he landed on the floor lol. then i woke up. strange dream. i never got to eat my mac even though i paid :(

getting results on monday. woohoo. feeling excited yet nervous lol. ok bye.

happy new year

well its 2011.

another year full of unexpected surprises.

what can i say?

happy new year?

i don't know what to say about this new year. its just another year. another month. another day. same life.

but this year life would be different.

i would be going jc, well most likely, or poly. and the results day are nearing. next monday. 10th jan 2011. a day that will live forever in infamy or fame.

i hate the fact that my future depends on this result slip in a way, unlike psle, lol. this is my final chance to prove to my family that i'm not a screw up, and if i don't prove this i'll ironically prove otherwise.

but whats the point of lamenting now. the exam's alr over. nothing i can do about it. i dont know. i just feel uncertain. people always say "no point being scared la, nothing you can do now since it's over" yeah i know that. i know that very well. but it's almost impossible to avoid that tinge of nervousness.

let's talk about something else, this is kinda demoralising.

friends. gonna be another problem. i'm scared of drifting apart from my sec sch friends, they're like the best. i guess it's gonna be hard to make friends in jc, since it's only two years, and it's like everyone will be studying and you're just acquainted. no time to crack jokes. no time to mindf*ck others. lol. damn, i really hope my sec sch friends will stay on with me till i reach adulthood. i'll never forget them, even though i dont look like i mean it. there are so many moments that we take for granted with our friends, and only now will we come to regret it. once you start drifting it's hard to come back together.

school. ok, maybe jc is similar to sec sch. but i'm also afraid of one thing. my size. when i first went to sec sch in sec 1, i was scared i'll get bullied or laughed at for being so small and short. heigh now isnt a matter for me. but it's my size. i'm really skinny. i look like a wimp. i look weak, easily manipulated and pushed over. whoever says appearance doesnt matter is a dumbass. it's the very first impression you give others, and if they ever want to like you for your personality it's your appearance they look at first. now the same thing happens again. going into jc. i really don't want to be called a wimp and a weakling. yeah sure, it's easy to say dont care about what others say. but what others say is their impression of you, which will be the impression of others next time, your girlfriend, her family, your boss, your wife, your children etc. that is why since its impossible to change the opinions of others about me, i can only change myself to change those opinions. and i am doing that. going to the gym, running and all. i really want to be fit. i want to put on weight, and not be stuck in this body forever. everytime i walk pass fat people, i really envy them. they can eat half of what i eat a day and their stomach becomes inflated. for me, i can eat a hell lot and nothing happens. but maybe they envy me too. but they wouldnt want to be too skinny, like how i am now. sometimes i hate my metabolism rate. but theres a good side to it, i guess. i can eat anything i want without worries. because i know i wont grow fat. but it'll be hard for me to gain muscles as when i exercise im burning off muscles, not fats since i lack them. bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit

ok i'm done. i cant believe i talked about school and linked it to my size.

sigh. still kinda worried for results, and other things. but i can't post it here. thats the sad part about having a blog as compared to a diary. a blog isnt that personal if you make it public.

goodbye.