i dont understand the world

so it's been a long time since i blogged.

i probably shouldnt be blogging today.

got lots of stuff to do.

PW OP, OAC Proposals, etc. etc.

and i still feel kinda bad for not doing....

priorities. one of my biggest worries and fears.

i used to think 24 hours a day was too much. now i wish i had much more...

today i grew up and matured quite a bit. i finally saw the world in a different light once again.

we hate on others for their flaws, yet we don't realise the similar flaws that we have too.

pot calling the kettle black.

i won't say much about what i know. i dont want to implicate anybody.

don't hate on someone or be disgusted by a person.

everyone has their flaws no matter how vile they are.

and you're no different.

so grow up and stop stirring trouble.

yeah you might hate me for typing this out but

im not going to do nothing about this.

next matter.

give you all an analogy.

a fish doesn't know how to climb, but it can swim very well. does that make the fish stupid?

well to singapore's education, yes, the fish is fucking stupid because EVERYONE must know how to climb.

i finally realised this today. how screwed up it is.

you can't judge a leader based on his academic results

so here's a big middle finger for you, education _|_

shall not blog much today cause got lots of stuff to do like i said

now that chinese a levels is over and pw is almost done, i will blog more nowadays.

The saddest day of my life.

I haven't felt so lost and empty in my life before. As I alighted from the bus and I walked towards my house, I cried uncontrollably. The third time I cried this year. Shit. And to think I didn't want to cry for this whole year. But at least I know I'm still human. I still care. I still worry.

Wiped away my tears when I reached home but just the thought of it still makes me want to cry. And I know guys aren't suppose to cry only unless someone passed away. But today, something precious and dear to me was taken away. NJ is confirmed going to tear down the boulder gym to extent the art block. It will be done end of this year. When Miss Gao first told me about it, I was lost for words. I couldn't believe it. I felt betrayed and outraged. I wanted to just break down there and then. But there were many people. I wasn't going to cry and show weakness in front of others. And don't ask me to suck it up. I am only human. I have emotions too. This incident also revealed to me friends whom I can trust and friends who I can't. Fair weather friends. I found one in NJ when I chose to believe I wouldn't find any. Moreover, i was ordered through Miss Gao by the school to not tell anyone except the climbers about it cause they want to make it a surprise thing that they are extending the art block. That made me feel even more angry. It's as if they don't even care about how I feel, how all the climbers feel. So fuck NJ. I'm telling everyone to show everyone how fucked up the system is.

I am a CAO. I have responsibilities. What am I going to do now without the facilities? I also felt as if I was stripped of my duties. Some tell me to petition. Others tell me to rebel. But honestly I don't know what I can do. I never felt so lost in my life. But as a leader I must keep my composure. I must wear a mask of confidence and happiness. But idk what to do anymore. How can life go on? After all the effort. The blood and sweat we put into the boulder gym. All the unforgettable times I spent climbing there. The joy of falling on a mattress and getting punished planks by Miss Gao for not spotting.

In the end, the legacy of climbers would become a lost memory. People will just remember me as a CAO that lead the team into demolition, not the CAO that brought glory for the school.

I am sorry that I failed all of you. I should do something against the school but im too overwhelmed to think about anything.

Maybe someday if I become rich, I can build a boulder gym in NJ under my name..