Aimless

I don't really understand myself these days any more. I think I'm going through an internal struggle. I don't know what keeps me motivated. I don't know what to look forward to. I don't know who to talk to. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know where to go. I don't know my direction. I have lost my way somewhere along in this life and I feel so empty nowadays. 

Sigh. I keep brooding over many thoughts but I just can't make up my mind. I just do whatever is ahead of me, task after task, day after day. As my ORD inches towards me in 7 months, I don't really know what to expect/feel. I think I'm turning lifeless. I need someone to save me from myself. 

Next time

Went to climb today with span, caveman and the SCT. Surprised that I can still manage to do a few routes even though I think I still suck. And yes I still suck. Every time I go climbing I keep longing for my ORD to come, so I can finally have my freedom back and climb any time I want. 

I've been thinking about lots of stuff lately. Things that have happened to one of my fellow guards spec and a little incident one morning made me realise some things are just not meant to be for me at this point of time, especially since I'm so busy with army that I can't give my attention to anything else.. I'll just have to wait till next time to get my life sorted out. it'll be really boring for now, I don't talk to anyone these days but I'm still holding on to many friendships..