Life of a jc student

It's not easy being a jc student. You really are being stretched completely for time, and there just seems to be so much to do, yet so little time.

Today one of my teachers scolded me for not doing my homework and called my mum up. Honestly I wouldn't care because I know this teacher cannot help me in my learning much and it's much more productive to just study the notes during the lesson. Sometimes I just wish I had my old teacher from last year again. But you can't have the best for everything. But today I felt remorseful. Not because I did not do my work. But because I realized I have changed. I thought hard about it. How did I excel last year, and suddenly drop in my acads this year? Was it cause jc2 is more demanding? Over commitments? Moving home to a house further from NJ? What could have possibly caused me to become like this? I sincerely have no idea. But I know I will have to fight very hard to get what I want eventually.

Actually I'm glad that there are many other much better NJ teachers that are looking out for me. Those are the teachers that I will truly respect even after I graduate. But in the end, this is a journey that I have to walk alone.

Today Miss Gao asked me about what happened about the teacher calling my mum up incident. She told me she didn't expect me to be like that. She told me that I was diligent and was hardworking in my work, but why the sudden change?

I need to get back on track. To make things right in the end. I am the master of my own fate...

And this made me worry. It made me worry about the juniors. They will have to go through the same problems as we face, especially Zi Hao. I feel really sorry for him that he has to be the unlucky one that suffers all of this because of the hopes and dreams of my batch. But I hope that the eventual outcome will bring him joy and motivation into his life, just like what climbing and the people around me gave to me...

So far I am quite happy to find out that the school is actually quite supportive of climbing, believe it or not. I guess my dream may come true in the end, even though I will not be there to witness it myself.

Although a part of me feels like an asshole for being the one that wanted this whole thing to be implemented in the first place, I guess it is for the benefit of everyone especially for future generations to come. There are so many things that I want to say that is on my mind, but I think I will not say it as it may be offensive to some people. So I'll just leave it as that.

Until next time.

And I got into PES D for NS medical checkup. I am quite amused that the curse of the Zhi Yong actually came true :D

Moving on

The past two days have been eventful. Boulderactive on Friday, college day today. Now I'm on my way for a mother's day dinner with my family. There's Chem spa this coming Tuesday, and NS medical checkup on Wednesday. Then it's common test. I am definitely not prepared for econs.

But aside from that, the past two days taught me to move on from everything. Not doing as expected for Boulderactive. Not doing as expected for Chem lecture test. Not doing well with everything.. But I have to move on. Just like everything else in life. And learn from past mistakes.

I will emerge satisfied no matter what. I will not let anyone especially myself down.

Owch...

Today was quite a good day. Learnt a lot from all the lessons today although towards the end of econs lecture I was feeling quite sleepy. But the lecture was ok.

During yesterday's mock comp, I did as I expected to do. Jups expects me to get into finals. But honestly I don't know if I really do stand a chance.

Sometimes I feel helpless because i am just one person handling this team. But I am glad that this team's really supportive of each other.. It sucks to see your fellow team mates feeling down and out when you are doing well and pushing yourself and all you can say are a few words of encouragement. Words are just words. You wish you could help but in the end it's just a solo battle one must fight against himself...

The same nerve on my right hand fourth finger got strained again just like a few days before OBC. Might considering taping up my hand for Boulderactive this Friday. Mixed feelings towards it. On one hand, I want everyone to do well and feel that they have improved. But on the other, it's gonna pain me to see the juniors go through the same shitty feeling I had to go through last year. But I hope they will emerge out of it even stronger and with even greater willpower...

House session was honestly strange to me. I think I didn't deserve what I got because to be honest, I did not feel that I did enough as a HA to receive such commendation. But nonetheless I am still touched by it :)

Tmr there's physics spa. Shall go study for it now and do my maths tutorial. It's time to catch up and be ahead in the rat race.

Don't understand the world sometimes

I don't understand the world sometimes. Ok not really the world. But more of this country. This education system. The students.

The more I look at the situation around me, the more I feel that something is really wrong.

I am in my JC2 year. They say it's the toughest part of most people's education in Singapore. Time is limited and stress is high. It really opened my eyes to the ugly side of this education.

I would like to talk about studies. Everybody has to study. I have to study. This is A Levels. No fooling around. I agree that studying is important. But so is a leadership position. It really makes me question whether people run for a leadership position just for the portfolio, because it really is evident from my point of view. Pushing away your duties to others. Escaping from your responsibilities. And in the end? You get the same damn recognition as everybody else even if they did more than you. Even if they are more committed and passionate about their role. And you get to laugh at them. Mock them for their stupidity for doing so much and having less time to study as compared to yourself. This is just injustice. But that's how the world works. It's always academics before everything else. And I am living in a struggle. A struggle where everyone is constantly trying to be ahead of each other, a struggle for the best testimonial. So why do i despise my school system? Because they endorse this kind of lifestyle, and do nothing about it. And in the end you ask yourself, was everything worth it? It most certainly is. Because my conscience is clear and I didn't go against my morals. Some way, karma will always be ahead of those who think they can get away with it.

Climbing

Today's climbing training was quite a good experience.. Trained the juniors by setting some fairly difficult routes for them at CA. Can see that the guys are improving greatly and are really determined.

I think I found one problem about me as a CAO... I can't set routes for girls. I just feel bad that they can't complete the routes and that I set too hard. I know it's for their own good and training but I just don't feel right about it sometimes.. Guess that's my weakness after all, that I can't train girls very well :( but I'll work on it. I don't want to see this girls team fall apart. Really glad to have someone like XX to help out with the girls:)

Kinda tired after today but it was fulfilling. Looking forward to this Friday's Boulderactive competitions. Dreamt about getting into finals by getting top 8 for it, getting rewarded with a medal around my neck by V Cheng during morning assembly and feeling a sense of pride to the team and bringing hope for the boulder gym... I know I may sound quite arrogant but it's something I want to achieve.. To improve the reputation of climbing in the college and not for it to die out now that passion is burning strong. Is this just a miracle? It all depends on this coming Friday.

I'll leave the door on the latch if you ever come back...

Exco elections

And so the new exco was voted in today.

Zi Hao will be the new CAO who will take over my role. Overall I'm quite satisfied with the people in the new exco :) Talked to him after the whole thing was over about future plans. I felt kinda bad because this year really is going to be even tougher for the new CAO because of what the school is going to do but i'll definitely guide him along all the way till I graduate. Its going to be a great burden for him, but I hope he will see through this responsibility and that it will mould him to be a better person and a leader like how it was for me. I have faith in him and the future of the climbing team :)

Looking back at my term in exco, I will say it has been the most meaningful time in my life. I was proud to be the CAO and proud to be an NJ climber. In a way I also feel really proud to be part of the pioneer batch for climbing in which everything just kicked off from my batch. I am going to miss each and every one of the climbers. They have been my closest of friends in NJ whom I will treasure for the rest of my life...I am still slightly reluctant to leave my post as CAO, but my time is up and it is time for me to develop the next CAO to be even better than me and to carry on the climbing legacy!

Had a lot of thoughts on my mind today while going home. Maybe I should talk to her again. Ask her how she is. It sucks that we drifted apart when we used to be so close.. But I know it won't last. This year is important for me and I cannot screw it up. And she's probably studying hard right now too. Which is what I should be doing also. Maybe it's just not meant to be. That we just met and knew each other at the wrong phases of our lives.

Shall go do some work. Somehow I pictured myself 2 years from now after being out of NS, and coming back to NJ to see a well developed climbing team that is very bonded and strong that is training hard at a new indoor boulder gym built by the college. This will be the biggest achievement that I can ever hope for...

My Weekend

So Get Boulder was on Friday. everything went quite smoothly and i think everyone enjoyed themselves. it was kinda fun organising this event. working with zhi yong is great too. glad that nothing screwed up and all was well :) 

NAPFA on saturday was really good too. i was on form and managed to get A for everything except B for SBJ and 2.4. but usually i get C for those two and for the first time my 2.4 was under 11 minutes! then went climbing at CA with ken after that. it was just like the good old days haha.

spent my whole saturday night and whole of sunday to catch up on my work and study for maths test. overall it was quite a productive weekend. nothing else to update about. life is going well now :D

time to focus on my studies and do well for the upcoming common test! just very worried for my econs and gp though. especially my econs...

Life so far

So today was the off in lieu day for funtasia. Funtasia turned out ok in the end despite the fact that I didn't put in much effort in the first place and my mind was in a mess. Probably one of the worst times that I didn't lead wholeheartedly :/

Aside from that, today we had climbing training at CA. Glad that a handful of the juniors came and bought their shoes too. I left slightly earlier cause I wanted to rush SP's essay by tmr and settle the rest of the get boulder stuff like the prizes and the registration. Tomorrow's gonna be get boulder! Looking forward to it and hope that all out efforts pay off.

Feeling uncertain about the future now. It sucks to think what will happen. Studies and the future of climbing seem to be constantly worrying me. Really excited to see who the next CAO will be next Wednesday during elections. I feel like some old shit that's gonna retire soon. But through it all, I am proud to have been the CAO.

I hope the friends I made in JC won't end up as strangers once I graduate. Some times people just come and go.

Today Joel said that Jups said that he climbed like me and was like me when he was in JC. If only I could be as happy as him. If only I could follow my heart and not follow society's convention. He lives a happy life. That's all I want for myself. I don't want to work in a job that may pay a lot but it is something that does not interest me. But I guess in Singapore, that's the only way that I'll survive. And when will I truly find that special someone? Or will I just end up as just another memory as always? It seems that whenever I try things just go against me. Maybe now just isn't the right time. Maybe like what Joel said, I may even find that person in NUS.

Because in my heart I know for sure, that this is the future I will prefer.

zzz

So tmr is NJ's fun fair. Quite excited and pissed off about it at the same time.

Pissed off because a certain overall teacher IC of the fun fair was not willing to accept my tickets even though I shoved the money in her face. It really made me recall all the hatred I had towards NJ's management. So rigid and inflexible. And fucking stupid. Just plain stupid. Money also don't want to take-.-

Yam says she'll help me sell the remaining $80 for me tmr. Will plan to sell some too to the seniors coming and maybe even Jups. But if I don't sell all of it, which I know is quite possible, I really can't be bothered with what the school is gonna do to me.

Throw your best at me. You can't do much to me when all I did was try to help out any way. In fact I'm quite curious to know what's the consequences if I don't return my tickets :) maybe I should try finding out.

Whatever it is, I have nothing else to say but this. Fuck NJ's management.

After tmr I'm gonna show the college that the boulder gym should be preserved. I'll fight with every possible point just to salvage it..

L2

L2 sport climbing course today was really fun... If only our mood wasn't spoilt by MG :/ oh well.. I know what I did was wrong. But after all, I have my responsibility and duties to fulfill. Aren't you even thankful for that? After all I've done? I guess not. Doesn't matter, I'm just going to have to apologize tmr...

Celebrated Zi wei's birthday today too. I hope he likes our gift and the cake surprise :) and I think he must have enjoyed today after falling so much from the wall! :D

Come to think of it, the climbers are really the closest circle of friends i have in NJ. I wouldn't give them up for anybody else. No matter how angry we are with each other we will become normal again. Like today when me and Zhi Yong were slightly pissed with each other, but we were ok in the end. Bros. like that are hard to find. It's really nice that I met these bunch of close friends in this fucked up school.

Can't wait to get out of that place, but I will cherish my fellow prisoners for life.