I have logged in to my blogger several times ever since I last posted but I never really got to writing a proper post, so I hope that this one would make it. The last time I posted was on the last day of May, which has felt so long ago. It has been more than 2 months ever since. I can't really go into much detail about everything that has happened since then, but I will try my best to recall all the significant events. Chronologically:
-Continued my internship
-I pulled out of Pumpfest in the end
-I went for my very first ICT reservist from 19-23 June
-Sab came back during my reservist but I only got to see her after reservist ended
-Took part in my first open comp BA and also got to help out
-Sab left on the Saturday of BA and unfortunately fractured her leg while running just days before leaving and had to be on crutches :(
-Took part in Transend and got rekted as expected
-Came up with a training plan for myself and decided to follow it religiously all the way till Rockmaster
-Internship ended on 21 July
-Started climbing a lot more since I have more free time
-year 3 sem 1 starts on 14 august, which is next Monday
That's about it. The most significant moment would be Sab's return. It was very heartwarming to see her again. If I could describe the feeling in words, it would be as if I had been viewing everything in black and white ever since she left; but when she was back I could instantly see every colour around me. I know this sounds cheesy but it was pure and genuine happiness. I enjoyed every moment I spent with her when she was back and I felt really sad when she had to leave again. It is a feeling that have to get used to because this would be the routine of our long distance relationship. It is a painful process but I believe that our relationship is strong enough to survive throughout the 5 long years.
Anyway I decided to blog tonight because I had some inspiration to write something that has been puzzling me recently. Reading my previous post, I think this line is sort of relevant to what I'm about to talk about: "Climbing has always been an outlet for me amidst all the stress accumulated from studying, it has been the beacon of light in my darkest and saddest moments. It is the community of lifelong friends that I have; it is the sport I will always love." I have realised that some of my climbing friends have faced or are currently facing tilted/burned out moments over climbing. I am no exception to that; there have been moments I just get so damn frustrated over not being able to do a move, or to complete a route, or to do a move which I could do before, or finish a route that someone else finished etc. and the list is endless. I've discovered that I don't climb really well under such circumstances. In fact, I think most people hardly climb well when they are feeling so frustrated/upset over themselves. I've also realised that even if I were to finish the move/route that triggered me in the end, I still wouldn't feel contented and satisfied with myself, because I would still have the lingering sense of being weak and inadequate. I think the most important training aspect which I should focus on these days is simply this: have fun. No matter how off form I may be, I should enjoy the routes, enjoy the company, enjoy and appreciate the moment that I am still able to do the sport that I love so much, something which we often take for granted. The recent trainings and climbing on my own with friends have been really fun sessions, even though there were some days I was off form, I still felt like I enjoyed myself. I think the competitive and serious mindset doesn't work well on me and it is something I should get rid of. I can't remember what else I felt like saying but I think this sums up most of my thoughts well enough.
I'm honestly not looking forward to the start of school because my few true friends in chem eng are leaving for exchange and I don't know who else in this cohort I can befriend. I should probably try and make more friends next sem lol. I only have myself to blame for ending up in this situation since I never made the effort to make friends from the start and it's probably too late now; everyone has their own impenetrable cliques. Still, I am thankful for the few friends I have in this course and really appreciate their company. It's just going to be quite a lonely semester. Being apart from Sab, I really have nothing to turn to except climbing and my climbing friends. The only good thing about next sem is that the climbing gym is finally coming back, and it'll most likely be ready this month! can't wait for that to happen because I'm just gonna be there 24/7 and studying there even. this coming sem will be the sem I raise my CAP and my climbing. it's getting late and I think I should go and sleep.