Damn it

There's no way anybody can take away climbing from me. Not even my own parents. Nobody is gonna take away the one thing that brightens up my life. Don't let me climb? Then I'm not gonna study. You might think that forcing me to stay at home and not go climbing will make me study. No. It's not gonna work that way. Without doing something I love, there's no way I'm motivated to work hard in my academics. So I ended up forcing myself to sleep the whole day. I even purposely missed tonight's reunion dinner. There's no way I'm going to let this pass. It's either you let me off from this shit or i die trying to break away from it.

Values

Saw some of the values one of my close friend has in his facebook info.

i really agree that with his values that for one to live a meaningful life:

1) always be honest

2) never say die

3) never rage

4) never emo

well not never, but should be as little as possible.

nevertheless, i really admire him that he follows this values closely; in fact i rarely see him rage or emo and he is always hardworking in everything he does. respect.

and i think thats something i can learn a lot from.

shall not blog so much. time to do econs project if not im screwed. hope i survive this week. its not gonna be easy, but SH2 was never supposed to be.

How do I give a title for this posts, if there's just too many things on my mind?

Today marks the day of my return to school after CNY.

Damn I wish CNY didn't end so fast, but i did enjoy myself and i did miss school a little.

Today's OAC was fun, we built most of the structure. despite the knots being not so tied, i think the members did a very good job and I am quite happy to see that our efforts in teaching them did pay off somehow. Also saw the OAC banner which i didnt get to paint cause I was sick last week. I think its really nice.

But what really bothered me today was the long talks with Miss G. and not just only one long talk. there were three long talks in just one day. other than vetting through my climbing annual plan, the one major thing that affected me a lot was the decision of cutting down climbing trainings to only once a week. which really shocked me.

after thinking it through, i realised how it all contradicts.

In order to start a new CCA Climbing, we need to do very well in competitions, so well that we should be winning achievements for the school. that means at least top 8 in bouldering comps which is insane. But how do we achieve that? By having rigorous training. But why can't we have that? Because we cannot have too many trainings per week as we already have OAC trainings.

sigh.

i really hope this year's batch of climbers would be extremely passionate. It is a waste that my batch's passion was never developed to its full potential. But I am damn willing to do anything, and i even considered some crazy plans ken suggested, just to push for this dream to be a reality.

damn it time to do work. im just feeling too damn sleepy now. feeling damn bad for missing lignum dance pracs. sigh. its too bad i cant feel happy anymore. it's just me, my life, my friends, my family and my responsibilities. no time for other shit.

Decision made

So after seeking advice from many people including Miss G,

I decided I will join H3.

It's a tough decision that comes with many challenges,

But maybe if I just push myself beyond my comfort zone,

Maybe, just maybe,

I can pull this off.

Anyway yesterday was quite a good day. Went to school with ken and it was a rush cause i caused him to be late for gm :( felt bad for that but i guess he is ok with it. Started the morning with pt but gave up after 3 rounds cause I started panting. Shouldn't have been so stupid and run right after I recovered. During assembly Mr Lee seemed to be quite concerned that I came back after 1 say when I got a 3 day MC. But honestly I think im fine. The lessons that day were pretty fine, other than econs which was sian cause I really dont like her and I wish I had mr Eli back. He is someone who can push me to get my A, not this woman who reads everything off the notes. But oh well, you lose some good teachers, and you gain some bad teachers. Similarly, you lose some bad teachers and you gain some good teachers. Also, you keep some good and bad teachers. After school I spent some time with my class revising the OGL dances and after that me and Zhi Yong went to 'borrow' some chairs from the hall and washed them clean for the boulder gym. Also thought of a new idea for Thursdays :P went for H3 after that. Surprisingly I sort of understood what was going on. Rushed down for climbing immediately after it ended and was glad to see filbert there. Hope the climbing team would expand even more :) we didn't do much today because my plan of starting the 4321 training scheme was delayed cause miss g forgot to take the key to open the cage to set up the high wall. I guess that's ok cause I dont mind starting off slack on the first training in school, and also cause we managed to tweak and set some new routes for OC, but training is gonna get tougher real soon :P
The day then ended with my whole family coming my house for reunion dinner. Although I was late, I was glad to see many of my cousins again. CNY has always been the happiest time of my year.
Ok anyway I gtg to meet ken now to go take mrt to school together. Shall end off abruptly here. Cant wait to invite my class to my house over later! Shall make a post about CNY later.

decisions

its so hard to balance commitments...

should i give up H3 Chem?

i feel that it is too much..

acads + OAC + climbing.

and a part of me wants to give up H3 cause of my responsibilities.

I dont want to be known as a senior who is always MIA on OAC Monday Trainings and MIA on Thursday Climbing Trainings..

Fuck.

If only i wasnt offered H3. then i wouldnt have to make a choice.

but tomorrow i have to make up my mind. will talk to Miss G about it and get some advice from her.

im not being pessimistic here, i am really serious when i think i would not be able to cope.

i dont want to end up getting a mere pass and not getting As cause i had to study for H3.

its like handling 3 CCAs all at once. i know i wont be able to take it.

some retard may say that i am foolish for giving up this opportunity, for setting my priorities wrongly.

but i dont care. its my life. i choose what i want and if i were to regret, it would be my own fault.

so unless i am convinced by miss g's advice tmr,

my mind is set.

i'm choosing my responsibilities over the school's fail attempt at trying to use me as a tool again to get them their academic glory.

_l_ you NJ Chem Dept.

I got the bronze for chem olympiad without any of your help.

and i am sick of not getting any help from some crap ass teacher that is going to teach me H3.

i'll feel really bad to jia ying though, its like im going to pang seh her.

damn. i wish i had 14 days a week. life is just too short, time is just too little.

JC Life is just too short to get into a relationship; to make new and long lasting friends; to develop oneself as a leader; to cope well academically; to be the master of time.

i remember how Samuel asked me how i manage my time so well.

I didn't know how to answer him.

I just did everything to the best of my ability.

But right now, H3 is something beyond me.

So would I be someone who people look up to and say "hey look, its the guy who helped develop climbing in NJ!" or "hey look, its the guy that got Distinction for H3 Chem!"

Because honestly, the latter is not something I would be very proud of. There are others in this country who can achieve that.

But being a great senior is something few can be.

AN UPDATE

havent posted for quite some time.

actually i wanted to post lots of stuff, just that whenever i type finish all of it, i decide to erase everything.

Its something like venting your anger out on something and then releasing your rage, and then once you're done you dont feel so angry anymore and so you just delete everything.

well im not angry now, so i dont think im going to be deleting everything once again.

a lot has happened as usual.

there was the mad homework holiday rush, which i am still rushing now,

then there was intensive climbing training,

which lead up to gravical,

which resulted in mixed feelings of satisfaction and disappointment,

but also rebounded with a strong sense of determination as always.

then came OGL camp,

the memories of OG days come back again,

except this time i play a different role,

but definitely a more enjoyable one.

dance practices after dance practices,

getting to know more people in my house,

and maybe, just maybe,

met the right people.

then school started,

it was life as usual,

same people different classroom,

still as fun as ever,

made me realise how much i really missed my class during the holidays,

and how i must really treasure this year.

also had mixed feelings towards the teachers this year,

but was happy to get Mr Lee back nonetheless.

then there was the JH Walk In

never felt so high before,

never discovered that dancing would be so fun.

and then came the preparation for OAC orientation camp,

and all the discussions about future climbing plans,

and all the crazy shit that just makes me laugh.

what does this new year hold for me?

i will soon find out.