Today was a good end to the week. Played b ball after school which was really fun. Got back my H3 prelim during h3 after that too. I guess it was quite an expected mark, though there were many careless mistakes that I made and many wrong expressions which I used even though i got the idea and concept correct. So yeah overall I'm quite happy with my H3 results :) in fact, I am satisfied with my prelim results, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna peak for my A levels. I'm gonna work very hard for it and not let myself down! :)
Anyway, gonna spend the weekend doing work as usual. Hope it will be productive and that I will not slack off. Probably gonna blog again on Monday or at least until I feel like doing so.
I really need to get my mind to stop reflecting too much. I keep pondering about how things would turn out differently or what the future may hold. I sort of wish I could repeat SH1 life again. It was relatively carefree and I really enjoyed myself back then. It was the time of my life. It was then I really balanced both my CCA and studies really well. Ironically, with my CCA now gone, my studies are deteriorating. Hmm. I think it's just me I guess. Seeing other people around me improve, and seeing my grades just drop or stagnant, I can't help but wonder if the motivation I used to get from my CCA was significant. But I will never know, and I will not live to regret it...
Ok enough talk, back to work.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Sigh...
Today was an ok day. Got back GP essay. Was really happy that my effort paid off... Gonna work harder to secure that distinction for A levels. To be honest, I really do enjoy studying GP cause it really helped to develop my thoughts... It's somewhat similar to what lit taught me in sec sch..
Been reflecting a lot lately. Recently a Sec sch teacher of mine who taught me history in sec 2 passed away because of cancer. I was quite shocked when I heard the news. She always appeared to me to be the most bubbly and cheerful teacher I ever met, and she also taught us really well too. She sparked my interest to take history elect in sec 3. It is a great pity that she moved on at such a young age of 31. But she has inspired many of her students and her memory will remain within each and every one of us... It seems so sad that life is so fragile. That the nicest people get the worst fate. It really makes me wonder if there's really someone up there watching over us. Where is the justice, hope and salvation we all need? Maybe it's just too idealistic after all. Anyway, I hope her family will get through this ordeal strongly and may her spirit rest in peace...
Been thinking a lot about the decisions I made this year and whether it was worth it or not. I thought things would work out. But they didn't in the end and everything just crumbles because of the distance apart. And last year too... I end up avoiding because the memories will just haunt me from that very day and the times spent. I don't even know what happened but it just did and everything just fell apart from there. An I really destined for such a life? To be so close but yet so far everytime? To end up having emotions torn apart by a final taunt, and then it's goodbye forever? I guess I'll never find out until the day it happens again. If it ever happens again.
Been reflecting a lot lately. Recently a Sec sch teacher of mine who taught me history in sec 2 passed away because of cancer. I was quite shocked when I heard the news. She always appeared to me to be the most bubbly and cheerful teacher I ever met, and she also taught us really well too. She sparked my interest to take history elect in sec 3. It is a great pity that she moved on at such a young age of 31. But she has inspired many of her students and her memory will remain within each and every one of us... It seems so sad that life is so fragile. That the nicest people get the worst fate. It really makes me wonder if there's really someone up there watching over us. Where is the justice, hope and salvation we all need? Maybe it's just too idealistic after all. Anyway, I hope her family will get through this ordeal strongly and may her spirit rest in peace...
Been thinking a lot about the decisions I made this year and whether it was worth it or not. I thought things would work out. But they didn't in the end and everything just crumbles because of the distance apart. And last year too... I end up avoiding because the memories will just haunt me from that very day and the times spent. I don't even know what happened but it just did and everything just fell apart from there. An I really destined for such a life? To be so close but yet so far everytime? To end up having emotions torn apart by a final taunt, and then it's goodbye forever? I guess I'll never find out until the day it happens again. If it ever happens again.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Move along
Despite not fairing very well for the prelims, I decided to put it all in the past and focus on the main task ahead. I will strive towards it with every ounce of effort I have left..
Enough talk, it's time to do something and really get in the game.
Enough talk, it's time to do something and really get in the game.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Hmm
Somehow I chanced upon one of my friend's blog by accident just now. I really never knew the hurt that he felt inside... And at the same time, so much similarity to how I felt back then during sec sch days... And with that, I empathize his situation even more and in a way really admire and respect his resilience...
I think everyone is suffering. We just don't voice it out. That's all. And at least I have this blog as a window to my inner thoughts that's usually hidden behind my retarded nature. Maybe everyone has this other side to them.
Been listening to a lot more metal recently. Isn't it ironic that music that's considered violent and rage inducing by society is the kind of music that soothes my soul? I really can't understand why. Maybe it's cause I let myself drift along with the song, and I get to vent all the frustration I feel everyday through it. Weird huh. I really have to calm myself down sometimes. I realized it's something that really costs me. Not just in my academics, but also when it comes to socializing with others, playing games etc. I guess it's my hyperactive nature that resulted in my crazy behaviour. Hmm.
Finished the econs essay, took quite long to write a proper essay but I'm feeling quite happy with my current standard now :) tmr shall be the day I find out my econs prelims results, and no matter what I get, I really have to thank my tuition teacher for helping me during my hour of need... And not someone else who deserves no credit at all...
What more can I say? Off to do physics now! :D
I think it's time to make a choice, but it will have to wait once everything is over.
I think everyone is suffering. We just don't voice it out. That's all. And at least I have this blog as a window to my inner thoughts that's usually hidden behind my retarded nature. Maybe everyone has this other side to them.
Been listening to a lot more metal recently. Isn't it ironic that music that's considered violent and rage inducing by society is the kind of music that soothes my soul? I really can't understand why. Maybe it's cause I let myself drift along with the song, and I get to vent all the frustration I feel everyday through it. Weird huh. I really have to calm myself down sometimes. I realized it's something that really costs me. Not just in my academics, but also when it comes to socializing with others, playing games etc. I guess it's my hyperactive nature that resulted in my crazy behaviour. Hmm.
Finished the econs essay, took quite long to write a proper essay but I'm feeling quite happy with my current standard now :) tmr shall be the day I find out my econs prelims results, and no matter what I get, I really have to thank my tuition teacher for helping me during my hour of need... And not someone else who deserves no credit at all...
What more can I say? Off to do physics now! :D
I think it's time to make a choice, but it will have to wait once everything is over.
Crash
On the way home from school. Played basketball with buff, jun an and Leon. Good to unwind a little after all the shit thrown at us.
But I guess my prediction was more or less correct. Other than my Chem. got a C for my maths but I know I'm capable of doing better than that.. Just going to work really hard from now on before it's too late. As for GP, only got back the compre but I think I did fairly well for it. Hoping that I will get a decent score for my essay. As for chem, I don't know why but I just felt really depressed after receiving my mcq marks. I really hated myself and it felt like the entire world was crashing down on me. Maybe it's because I had high expectations and this was like another Boulderactive again.. Well, I just have to suck it up, pick up my shit again and move on. Learn from past mistakes and not repeat them anymore. To those that didn't do so well for chem, I hope you all won't get offended by this. Rather, we should all work hard together in this final lap...
Oh yeah and there was physics mcq too. I'm just glad I passed it.
It sucks that academics mean so much in this society. But I shall always stick to my belief that you need both the brain and the character to be an excellent worker or person in the future. There needs to be a balance, not just purely scoring all the 'A's yet you can't even express your thoughts clearly.
Anyway, shall start work the moment I get home. Just got an econs essay to do, and of course maths corrections and physics topics school assignments. I am really looking forward to the end of all of this.
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
But I guess my prediction was more or less correct. Other than my Chem. got a C for my maths but I know I'm capable of doing better than that.. Just going to work really hard from now on before it's too late. As for GP, only got back the compre but I think I did fairly well for it. Hoping that I will get a decent score for my essay. As for chem, I don't know why but I just felt really depressed after receiving my mcq marks. I really hated myself and it felt like the entire world was crashing down on me. Maybe it's because I had high expectations and this was like another Boulderactive again.. Well, I just have to suck it up, pick up my shit again and move on. Learn from past mistakes and not repeat them anymore. To those that didn't do so well for chem, I hope you all won't get offended by this. Rather, we should all work hard together in this final lap...
Oh yeah and there was physics mcq too. I'm just glad I passed it.
It sucks that academics mean so much in this society. But I shall always stick to my belief that you need both the brain and the character to be an excellent worker or person in the future. There needs to be a balance, not just purely scoring all the 'A's yet you can't even express your thoughts clearly.
Anyway, shall start work the moment I get home. Just got an econs essay to do, and of course maths corrections and physics topics school assignments. I am really looking forward to the end of all of this.
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
Friday, September 21, 2012
:D
On my way home now from a really fun day!
chem paper 1 in the morning. It was ok, though it was quite time consuming and I struggled to finish. Thankfully I finished it on the dot just as the time was up.
After that went to study in the TC classroom with Jia Ying, Darren and Amirul. It was quite productive. Then had lunch and met the other subjects H3 people who were eating lunch too.
Then went back to revise a little more, before proceeding for our exam at 2.30pm. Well the prelim paper was hard. It it wasn't hard it wouldn't be H3 anymore. Struggled to do as much as i can, left about 4 marks blank which is alright compared to the disaster of CTs. I hope I can pass this, but it was really difficult and whatever we studied seemed like it didn't come out at all, everything just seemed based on intuition and logic which really sucks. Don't even know if I can get 30 out of 100. Sigh. It sucks to work so hard for a subject, and end up it's never enough to get you by. Oh yeah, before the H3 paper started, Mr Yip hinted to me and Jia Ying that our class did well for the H2 Chem Prelims. Well I'm really happy for that, hopefully we will not let Mrs Yeo down and our class will progress even further as one. He told Jia Ying that she got A, so I asked him what I got and he told me I got B. not that I'm arrogant or anything, but I was disappointed when I heard it. Because I really had high hopes for my chem and it was the subject I depended on to excel in. It was also the subject I had interest in and the one that will probably be my main focus in UNI too.. Well that bugged me throughout the H3 chem paper, but then after the paper I found out from him he was just pulling my leg -.- but I really hope I can get A for Chem this time, if not idk what else I can actually do well in...
That leads me to a review of the prelim papers.
Physics: I hope I can at least get a C for it, considering how I screwed up paper 1 and 2 but my paper 3 was quite good.
Chem: well like I said earlier, it's my best and favorite subject and I want to excel now that it's the final chance before the real deal.. Other than Chem paper 2 which I made some errors here and there.
Maths: hopefully I can even touch a B, since paper 1 was a big cock up. Counting on my paper 2 for everything.
Econs: well for sure I won't be failing and getting S again like CTs, but maybe if I'm lucky enough I can get a B?
GP: the most volatile subject ever. If I can get an A it's probably gonna be a borderline one. But I hope I can just get a high B.
H3: like I said earlier, I want to pass, but that seems kinda impossible now. I wonder how my seniors did it. I wonder how they end up getting distinction and all considering they went thru the same shit as us. Sigh... Working so hard for H3, was it really worth it?
Anyways, had dinner at Pizza Hut at bukit timah plaza with the h3 gang, our first mini outing :D then we played impromptu pool afterwards which was really fun and full of laughs. It's nice that even though our H3 chem class is extremely small, most of us are still sort of bonded and close to each other.
It's about 44 more days to the big shit. Not really scared, not really confident too. But as always, I will make the most out of it and leave every exam hall with no regrets :)
chem paper 1 in the morning. It was ok, though it was quite time consuming and I struggled to finish. Thankfully I finished it on the dot just as the time was up.
After that went to study in the TC classroom with Jia Ying, Darren and Amirul. It was quite productive. Then had lunch and met the other subjects H3 people who were eating lunch too.
Then went back to revise a little more, before proceeding for our exam at 2.30pm. Well the prelim paper was hard. It it wasn't hard it wouldn't be H3 anymore. Struggled to do as much as i can, left about 4 marks blank which is alright compared to the disaster of CTs. I hope I can pass this, but it was really difficult and whatever we studied seemed like it didn't come out at all, everything just seemed based on intuition and logic which really sucks. Don't even know if I can get 30 out of 100. Sigh. It sucks to work so hard for a subject, and end up it's never enough to get you by. Oh yeah, before the H3 paper started, Mr Yip hinted to me and Jia Ying that our class did well for the H2 Chem Prelims. Well I'm really happy for that, hopefully we will not let Mrs Yeo down and our class will progress even further as one. He told Jia Ying that she got A, so I asked him what I got and he told me I got B. not that I'm arrogant or anything, but I was disappointed when I heard it. Because I really had high hopes for my chem and it was the subject I depended on to excel in. It was also the subject I had interest in and the one that will probably be my main focus in UNI too.. Well that bugged me throughout the H3 chem paper, but then after the paper I found out from him he was just pulling my leg -.- but I really hope I can get A for Chem this time, if not idk what else I can actually do well in...
That leads me to a review of the prelim papers.
Physics: I hope I can at least get a C for it, considering how I screwed up paper 1 and 2 but my paper 3 was quite good.
Chem: well like I said earlier, it's my best and favorite subject and I want to excel now that it's the final chance before the real deal.. Other than Chem paper 2 which I made some errors here and there.
Maths: hopefully I can even touch a B, since paper 1 was a big cock up. Counting on my paper 2 for everything.
Econs: well for sure I won't be failing and getting S again like CTs, but maybe if I'm lucky enough I can get a B?
GP: the most volatile subject ever. If I can get an A it's probably gonna be a borderline one. But I hope I can just get a high B.
H3: like I said earlier, I want to pass, but that seems kinda impossible now. I wonder how my seniors did it. I wonder how they end up getting distinction and all considering they went thru the same shit as us. Sigh... Working so hard for H3, was it really worth it?
Anyways, had dinner at Pizza Hut at bukit timah plaza with the h3 gang, our first mini outing :D then we played impromptu pool afterwards which was really fun and full of laughs. It's nice that even though our H3 chem class is extremely small, most of us are still sort of bonded and close to each other.
It's about 44 more days to the big shit. Not really scared, not really confident too. But as always, I will make the most out of it and leave every exam hall with no regrets :)
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Waiting for the end
So tmr marks the end of prelims. And I'm really looking forward to getting a short break from all the studying. Everyone deserves a short break. Even though I'm ending my exam later than most because I have H3, i don't really mind cause for the first time ever my H3 chem class is going out for a small dinner outing :D even though there are only a handful of us lol. Feeling quite ok for H3 now, shall spend the remaining 5 hours tmr before the paper to revise through the past topics since I'm alr done studying the topics that were taught after CTs.
Tmr actually feels like the end of A levels. Like something big is going to happen. A sense of happiness and excitement that can't be explained. But it's not the end yet, there's still one final lap to go. I don't wanna stress myself out. I'm gonna adopt the same strategy as I did for my O levels too. Don't expect too much, just do the best I can and be humble. Never be complacent and arrogant because that will only lead to my downfall. I want to leave the exam hall during A levels for every paper feeling that I've done the paper to the best of my ability and I handed in the script with no regrets.
No matter what grades I get, it doesn't matter. Everyone will get what they deserve in the end, and so will I.
It seems really amazing how time passes so fast. We're all at the edge of A levels now and yet only slightly more than a year ago we were sitting in the hall on the first day of school, curious about how our JC life would turn out to be.
Right now my life just revolves around studying and exams. It is sad, but I guess it is necessary in preparation for the battle that is to come. Besides, it is only temporary. Soon this will be over and life will get more lively :)
It's nearing 12am soon. Think I better get some rest in preparation for the chem mcq tmr morning. I hope everyone else enjoys their short break after the paper :D
Today as I was reflecting a little while walking home, I realized NJ isn't really that bad. Other than the management, most of the students here are friendly and aren't selfish to share their knowledge. I guess hearing stories about how other students from other schools won't want to share their notes with others or have shared learning really made me realize that if you were to ask some other student to teach you something that you don't understand, that student will not mind helping you at all. Maybe that's why we're deemed a mugger school since everyone wants to learn. Ok I think I better stop here. Writing nonsense again..
"I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone."
Tmr actually feels like the end of A levels. Like something big is going to happen. A sense of happiness and excitement that can't be explained. But it's not the end yet, there's still one final lap to go. I don't wanna stress myself out. I'm gonna adopt the same strategy as I did for my O levels too. Don't expect too much, just do the best I can and be humble. Never be complacent and arrogant because that will only lead to my downfall. I want to leave the exam hall during A levels for every paper feeling that I've done the paper to the best of my ability and I handed in the script with no regrets.
No matter what grades I get, it doesn't matter. Everyone will get what they deserve in the end, and so will I.
It seems really amazing how time passes so fast. We're all at the edge of A levels now and yet only slightly more than a year ago we were sitting in the hall on the first day of school, curious about how our JC life would turn out to be.
Right now my life just revolves around studying and exams. It is sad, but I guess it is necessary in preparation for the battle that is to come. Besides, it is only temporary. Soon this will be over and life will get more lively :)
It's nearing 12am soon. Think I better get some rest in preparation for the chem mcq tmr morning. I hope everyone else enjoys their short break after the paper :D
Today as I was reflecting a little while walking home, I realized NJ isn't really that bad. Other than the management, most of the students here are friendly and aren't selfish to share their knowledge. I guess hearing stories about how other students from other schools won't want to share their notes with others or have shared learning really made me realize that if you were to ask some other student to teach you something that you don't understand, that student will not mind helping you at all. Maybe that's why we're deemed a mugger school since everyone wants to learn. Ok I think I better stop here. Writing nonsense again..
"I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone."
zzz
just got home from eating lunch with a few friends. phy paper 1 was ... i just hope i can pass and get above 20 this time. shall do a review tmr since tmr is the final day for prelims! :D
updating my phone now to ios6. hope it's worth it.
shall keep this post short. gonna study h3 later and maybe read up a little on organic chem for the chem paper 1 tmr.
Never put yourself in a position where you can take from your friends. Never put a price on friendship.
updating my phone now to ios6. hope it's worth it.
shall keep this post short. gonna study h3 later and maybe read up a little on organic chem for the chem paper 1 tmr.
Never put yourself in a position where you can take from your friends. Never put a price on friendship.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
PSLE
Chem paper 3 was good, felt quite contented after it since my paper 2 didn't go as well.
Anyway, as some of you may have probably heard, the govt is considering scrapping PSLE or at least revamping the system of transiting from pri sch to sec sch after much appeal from some parents and teachers. Well personally, I am in favour of this, because I always felt that sitting for a national exam at the young age of 12 isn't really a feasible assessment since a 12 year old is not very mature in thinking. I also think PSLE only emphasizes on Singapore's extremely academic nature. It's not very health for a 12 year old to start a rat race when he or she is still immature and naive. If this is ingrained in the mindset of children these days, I wonder how they will turn out to be next time. In fact, even though the younger generation may be getting smarter and are posed more challenging questions these days to match their intellectual capability, I think that their increase in IQ is at the expense of a decrease in their EQ. I feel that the younger generation lack manners and don't have much moral values. They are just drilled to be the very robots the govt wants them to be. But a move to change the system will be really good. I mean, how do you expect a 12 year old to be serious about an exam? When I was 12 and sat for the PSLE, I was definitely not serious about it and had no idea what was going on. But as I grew older and became more mature, (even though I still behave really childish haha) there's a certain kind of enlightenment that I experienced. I guess when I matured, I became more disciplined in my studies, more logical in my thinking etc, which I find is absurd to expect 12 year olds to have. I think more should be focussed on fostering the curiosity and the hunger for knowledge for the Pri sch students, not just teaching them blindly to fulfill alphabets for some exam. I think the passion to learn is something that most students in sg lack, not only Pri sch students. Well to put things in perspective, I prefer sec sch to Pri sch because I learnt more then, and because it was where I was given a chance to excel. I also thought that the sec sch system was very good because with the CCA grade for O levels, it encourages students to be active in their CCA, something which I feel is vital for a youth to grow emotionally and gain greater social understanding. Something beyond the classroom..
I think this society is really weird. Whenever something may experience a change, singaporeans just complain and pick on the negative effects of implementing such a change. But when nothing is changed, they complain that life sucks and everything is too rigid. In the end, singaporeans just mellow in their self pity and do nothing about it, always being afraid of taking risks. Always being dragged by the nose reluctantly by our govt. When will Singaporeans ever be satisfied? Never. Because our country is just well known for its complains as we yearn to be perfect. For once, I am glad the govt is looking into something like that and actually considering feedback. Singaporeans should stop being so trapped in their own world and wanting to live status quo all their life. A little change won't hurt, so I think why not, try out a new system because the old one is getting ineffective or at least improve on it.
Lol can't believe I spent almost half an hour thinking about and typing out that whole chunk. I must admit that there is a certain bias against PSLE cause it was the exam I was complacent in and scored badly. But it was also the exam that changed my life for the better because from that day on, I promised myself that I will be humble, whether or not academically or socially. It was also a big blunder that I'm thankful of, because making mistakes at a young age is less harmful than making one now. And I swear I will never make such mistakes again. And as the A levels draw closer, as my final battle ensues, I will bear deeply in my mind the scene of a 12 year old boy receiving his PSLE results in tears and the scene of a 16 year old boy receiving his O levels results in shocking contentment.
Anyway, as some of you may have probably heard, the govt is considering scrapping PSLE or at least revamping the system of transiting from pri sch to sec sch after much appeal from some parents and teachers. Well personally, I am in favour of this, because I always felt that sitting for a national exam at the young age of 12 isn't really a feasible assessment since a 12 year old is not very mature in thinking. I also think PSLE only emphasizes on Singapore's extremely academic nature. It's not very health for a 12 year old to start a rat race when he or she is still immature and naive. If this is ingrained in the mindset of children these days, I wonder how they will turn out to be next time. In fact, even though the younger generation may be getting smarter and are posed more challenging questions these days to match their intellectual capability, I think that their increase in IQ is at the expense of a decrease in their EQ. I feel that the younger generation lack manners and don't have much moral values. They are just drilled to be the very robots the govt wants them to be. But a move to change the system will be really good. I mean, how do you expect a 12 year old to be serious about an exam? When I was 12 and sat for the PSLE, I was definitely not serious about it and had no idea what was going on. But as I grew older and became more mature, (even though I still behave really childish haha) there's a certain kind of enlightenment that I experienced. I guess when I matured, I became more disciplined in my studies, more logical in my thinking etc, which I find is absurd to expect 12 year olds to have. I think more should be focussed on fostering the curiosity and the hunger for knowledge for the Pri sch students, not just teaching them blindly to fulfill alphabets for some exam. I think the passion to learn is something that most students in sg lack, not only Pri sch students. Well to put things in perspective, I prefer sec sch to Pri sch because I learnt more then, and because it was where I was given a chance to excel. I also thought that the sec sch system was very good because with the CCA grade for O levels, it encourages students to be active in their CCA, something which I feel is vital for a youth to grow emotionally and gain greater social understanding. Something beyond the classroom..
I think this society is really weird. Whenever something may experience a change, singaporeans just complain and pick on the negative effects of implementing such a change. But when nothing is changed, they complain that life sucks and everything is too rigid. In the end, singaporeans just mellow in their self pity and do nothing about it, always being afraid of taking risks. Always being dragged by the nose reluctantly by our govt. When will Singaporeans ever be satisfied? Never. Because our country is just well known for its complains as we yearn to be perfect. For once, I am glad the govt is looking into something like that and actually considering feedback. Singaporeans should stop being so trapped in their own world and wanting to live status quo all their life. A little change won't hurt, so I think why not, try out a new system because the old one is getting ineffective or at least improve on it.
Lol can't believe I spent almost half an hour thinking about and typing out that whole chunk. I must admit that there is a certain bias against PSLE cause it was the exam I was complacent in and scored badly. But it was also the exam that changed my life for the better because from that day on, I promised myself that I will be humble, whether or not academically or socially. It was also a big blunder that I'm thankful of, because making mistakes at a young age is less harmful than making one now. And I swear I will never make such mistakes again. And as the A levels draw closer, as my final battle ensues, I will bear deeply in my mind the scene of a 12 year old boy receiving his PSLE results in tears and the scene of a 16 year old boy receiving his O levels results in shocking contentment.
Monday, September 17, 2012
data analysis!!!
as the title suggests, sort of screwed my physics paper even though I found it manageable.
given the time to do, I would have been able to complete it. It was a big mistake to have done the planning question first, then leave data analysis as the last qns cause those were pretty much give away marks which I gave back cause I left the back page blank -.- so I estimate I will lose a total of ~20 marks? not counting mistakes that I will definitely make zzz. Shall try and buck up by doing better for the physics paper 3 on Wednesday instead...
maths paper 2 was ok though. despite maths paper 1 being a killer paper to me, i was glad that i did the maths paper 2 rather smoothly, and I felt contented after the paper unlike for physics.
had a headache after the paper but it felt better after taking a walk home from the mrt station instead.
chem tmr. ok maybe someone was right. maybe there really isnt much to blog about since my life seems really boring now.
given the time to do, I would have been able to complete it. It was a big mistake to have done the planning question first, then leave data analysis as the last qns cause those were pretty much give away marks which I gave back cause I left the back page blank -.- so I estimate I will lose a total of ~20 marks? not counting mistakes that I will definitely make zzz. Shall try and buck up by doing better for the physics paper 3 on Wednesday instead...
maths paper 2 was ok though. despite maths paper 1 being a killer paper to me, i was glad that i did the maths paper 2 rather smoothly, and I felt contented after the paper unlike for physics.
had a headache after the paper but it felt better after taking a walk home from the mrt station instead.
chem tmr. ok maybe someone was right. maybe there really isnt much to blog about since my life seems really boring now.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
2.30am
2.30am now. It was a huge mistake taking a long nap in the afternoon just now. Gonna have a screwed up body clock once again. At least I managed to finish one physics paper and studied most of the physics definitions though. Shall try and spam more physics tmr and just do one more maths stats paper and maybe try and read up on my H3 notes. Didn't get to do H3 papers at all. Zzz.
My grandmother just walked into my room and asked me why I wasn't asleep yet. I asked her the same thing. She always walks into my room or my sisters' room late at night. Sometimes I would wake up at 3am because I sensed her presence and she would just be at the door looking at me and creeping me out and I would tell her to go back to sleep. But I guess she does care. It shows that even in her sleep, she worries about me. Maybe too much, but I'm thankful for that.
My grandmother just walked into my room and asked me why I wasn't asleep yet. I asked her the same thing. She always walks into my room or my sisters' room late at night. Sometimes I would wake up at 3am because I sensed her presence and she would just be at the door looking at me and creeping me out and I would tell her to go back to sleep. But I guess she does care. It shows that even in her sleep, she worries about me. Maybe too much, but I'm thankful for that.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
-.-
Shall take a break from studying physics for a while.
So yesterday at school, I heard about a certain newspaper article about the IP program posted by a certain principal. Well from what I heard, she made it sound like the mainstream students aren't really favorable. I think she has some master plan of transforming this school into a largely IP cohort some day, which I won't really care about since I won't be in that school anymore. But I kinda feel sorry for those that would have to spend 6 years of their precious time in that school. I mean, two years is alr enough for most of us to realize there's something wrong with the management here. Having to bear with the same management for 6 years, I wonder how they are gonna take it. So yeah, I always believed that the sec sch path was a much better option. Don't get me wrong here, I don't hate IP people, I just hate the way the school implements it. In fact, I think the IP system should just be done away with. I just find that a proper JC is one that will give you full support in your 2 years of education rather than just wanting you to produce results for the school and gtfo as soon as possible so they have more resources to fulfill the master plan. I think that by saying that two years is not enough to learn everything for A levels, it sort of hints that mainstream students are stupid and can't cope with it and should just leave it to the IP cohort that had 6 years to produce better results.
After scoring badly for my PSLE, I went to zhonghua and got a second chance, doing well for my O levels and getting a chance to go to a good JC. I was really grateful of this chance. I guess you can say that I'm a late bloomer. But what about those IP students that enter after P6? What if they are just early bloomers and lose the motivation after time? Especially in a school that's really demoralizing the moment you reach JC1. I think this IP system should just be scraped in the first place.
To quote: "keeping with its name and philosophy, the College claims no affiliation with any secondary school but instead draws its students from a wide spectrum. Thus, each year, about 80 Singapore secondary schools will have representatives amongst the College's student population."
Will this tradition die out with the implementation of the master plan? I guess what truly makes NJ a vibrant place is that there are many people of different backgrounds that makes this school more dynamic.
To quote again: "The main colour of the school uniform is grey – a colour chosen for its similarity to the color white, which is one of the official colors of the school. This was in light of criticisms upon the announcement of its inception that the College would perpetuate elitism. Consequently, the colour grey, rather than white, was chosen for the uniform to remind students of the college of their duty to serve the Nation with honour, and the need to be humble and respectful of others irrespective of their educational background"
Take note of the last line especially. Enough said...
So yesterday at school, I heard about a certain newspaper article about the IP program posted by a certain principal. Well from what I heard, she made it sound like the mainstream students aren't really favorable. I think she has some master plan of transforming this school into a largely IP cohort some day, which I won't really care about since I won't be in that school anymore. But I kinda feel sorry for those that would have to spend 6 years of their precious time in that school. I mean, two years is alr enough for most of us to realize there's something wrong with the management here. Having to bear with the same management for 6 years, I wonder how they are gonna take it. So yeah, I always believed that the sec sch path was a much better option. Don't get me wrong here, I don't hate IP people, I just hate the way the school implements it. In fact, I think the IP system should just be done away with. I just find that a proper JC is one that will give you full support in your 2 years of education rather than just wanting you to produce results for the school and gtfo as soon as possible so they have more resources to fulfill the master plan. I think that by saying that two years is not enough to learn everything for A levels, it sort of hints that mainstream students are stupid and can't cope with it and should just leave it to the IP cohort that had 6 years to produce better results.
After scoring badly for my PSLE, I went to zhonghua and got a second chance, doing well for my O levels and getting a chance to go to a good JC. I was really grateful of this chance. I guess you can say that I'm a late bloomer. But what about those IP students that enter after P6? What if they are just early bloomers and lose the motivation after time? Especially in a school that's really demoralizing the moment you reach JC1. I think this IP system should just be scraped in the first place.
To quote: "keeping with its name and philosophy, the College claims no affiliation with any secondary school but instead draws its students from a wide spectrum. Thus, each year, about 80 Singapore secondary schools will have representatives amongst the College's student population."
Will this tradition die out with the implementation of the master plan? I guess what truly makes NJ a vibrant place is that there are many people of different backgrounds that makes this school more dynamic.
To quote again: "The main colour of the school uniform is grey – a colour chosen for its similarity to the color white, which is one of the official colors of the school. This was in light of criticisms upon the announcement of its inception that the College would perpetuate elitism. Consequently, the colour grey, rather than white, was chosen for the uniform to remind students of the college of their duty to serve the Nation with honour, and the need to be humble and respectful of others irrespective of their educational background"
Take note of the last line especially. Enough said...
Friday, September 14, 2012
Maths and chem
Totally fked up my maths paper 1 today. Counted the marks I would possibly lose. 36 marks. Probably the most I ever counted for all my past exams. It sucks la. Everyone is improving around me, while it seems like I'm just getting lousier and lousier at subjects I was once good at.
Ok maths aside, I will do better for paper 2. I just have to.
Then there's chem. the paper was ok. Or so I thought. I finished the paper feeling quite contented, I even smiled to myself for a little while cause it seemed like the day was not so bad after all. Then after leaving the exam hall and discussing with the rest, I realized I screwed up many of the easy questions here and there. Although I am confident I will still be able to do fairly well, I just hate it that I always lose marks for the stupid mistakes. I think it's just me. When the question is hard, I give my all for it and score. When it's easy and straight forward, I think too much or become complacent and lose it. It has always been a major problem in my education even since primary school. Always making careless mistakes. Always ignorant of the easy way out and seeking for challenges. This damn reckless behaviour.
All I can say is, I need to be more careful in my work from now on, if not it'll be too late. And from now on, it means only less than 2 months.
Physics papers start next week, along with the remaining chem and maths stats paper and h3 chem. I don't even know where to start. Probably gonna focus more on physics and less on maths since I'm screwed anyway, and studying for maths more than chem last night was a big mistake.
Sigh.. Not feeling very confident of prelims after today. To think these were the two subjects I counted on the most. I guess it's really true that a person's biggest success may also be his or her biggest downfall. But I'll have to snap out of this and move along...
Ok maths aside, I will do better for paper 2. I just have to.
Then there's chem. the paper was ok. Or so I thought. I finished the paper feeling quite contented, I even smiled to myself for a little while cause it seemed like the day was not so bad after all. Then after leaving the exam hall and discussing with the rest, I realized I screwed up many of the easy questions here and there. Although I am confident I will still be able to do fairly well, I just hate it that I always lose marks for the stupid mistakes. I think it's just me. When the question is hard, I give my all for it and score. When it's easy and straight forward, I think too much or become complacent and lose it. It has always been a major problem in my education even since primary school. Always making careless mistakes. Always ignorant of the easy way out and seeking for challenges. This damn reckless behaviour.
All I can say is, I need to be more careful in my work from now on, if not it'll be too late. And from now on, it means only less than 2 months.
Physics papers start next week, along with the remaining chem and maths stats paper and h3 chem. I don't even know where to start. Probably gonna focus more on physics and less on maths since I'm screwed anyway, and studying for maths more than chem last night was a big mistake.
Sigh.. Not feeling very confident of prelims after today. To think these were the two subjects I counted on the most. I guess it's really true that a person's biggest success may also be his or her biggest downfall. But I'll have to snap out of this and move along...
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Time passes too fast
Econs paper down. May have screwed up a little but it's not very significant. Hoping to clinch a C grade if possible, but I doubt I'll fail econs like last time..
Maths and chem tmr. To be honest, I am more worried for Chem than maths. And I don't know why. What was once my best subject suddenly seems pressurizing to me. Sigh. Shall just do my best tmr and hope that I don't screw up anything.
Time passes really fast. Just like that, we are at the start of prelims. Saw the countdown today at school. 53 more days. Tomorrow that will change to 52. My days are numbered, but I'll make them count in the end. I will. I made a promise long ago which I will fulfill.
I remember going back to sec sch to collect my O level cert along with my other details in that official blue booklet last year. It was a day I would never forget. You were proud of me and happy for me. You told me to do the best I could in JC. I will fulfill that, even if you don't remember what you said, I still kept that in mind all the time.
It's getting late. I gotta wake up for sch early again tmr morning. Kinda wish that exams were later but oh well. Gotta get used to waking up freaking early again as usual... But at least I just have to bear with it for a little while.
Oh btw, one of my NJ grey pants had a hole in the knee area after I played basketball some time ago. I guess it signifies that just like the pants, I'm gonna be worn out of this school real soon. Although I'd leave this school with rather mixed feelings, I would say that overall, I would actually miss this school in some strange way. Maybe it's the people that I met here that I treasure, but once everyone graduates I think the only thing that will get me to go back to NJ will be the climbing team and nothing else. Sadly, if the school takes that away too, then there's not much fond memories left of the school's facilities that will attract me back.
Ok enough bullshit, time to sleep for real...
Maths and chem tmr. To be honest, I am more worried for Chem than maths. And I don't know why. What was once my best subject suddenly seems pressurizing to me. Sigh. Shall just do my best tmr and hope that I don't screw up anything.
Time passes really fast. Just like that, we are at the start of prelims. Saw the countdown today at school. 53 more days. Tomorrow that will change to 52. My days are numbered, but I'll make them count in the end. I will. I made a promise long ago which I will fulfill.
I remember going back to sec sch to collect my O level cert along with my other details in that official blue booklet last year. It was a day I would never forget. You were proud of me and happy for me. You told me to do the best I could in JC. I will fulfill that, even if you don't remember what you said, I still kept that in mind all the time.
It's getting late. I gotta wake up for sch early again tmr morning. Kinda wish that exams were later but oh well. Gotta get used to waking up freaking early again as usual... But at least I just have to bear with it for a little while.
Oh btw, one of my NJ grey pants had a hole in the knee area after I played basketball some time ago. I guess it signifies that just like the pants, I'm gonna be worn out of this school real soon. Although I'd leave this school with rather mixed feelings, I would say that overall, I would actually miss this school in some strange way. Maybe it's the people that I met here that I treasure, but once everyone graduates I think the only thing that will get me to go back to NJ will be the climbing team and nothing else. Sadly, if the school takes that away too, then there's not much fond memories left of the school's facilities that will attract me back.
Ok enough bullshit, time to sleep for real...
Blink 182 - I Miss You
One my favourite childhood songs which I grew up listening to. It's that sense of nostalgia you get when you can still relate to an old song you listened to so long ago.
It's 12am. The beginning of prelims. First main paper. Econs case study. Hope I'll be able to do well for it.
Anyway, hope you enjoy the song. Maybe it's a song you all have heard before too during your childhood. Especially the chorus.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Life of a typical NJ mugger kid
While doing an econs case study today, I realized that the word 'this' can be rearranged to form the word 'shit'.
Ok nvm. The point is when you are doing work, suddenly everything becomes more interesting.
The other day I saw some funny photo about how education stifled our creativity. But honestly, I think the problem lies in ourselves. It is inherent of us students to go for the correct answers all the time, to use the right words to get those marks we yearn so much for. We lose our sense of conviction and confidence in standing up for what we believe in even though it may be considered wrong by others. We brainwash ourselves to think that the answers are the answers and there are no other answers. We are just trapped in this box that we never think out of it. I find it really sad. Education has lost its meaning in Singapore not because of the government, but more on how the mindset of Singapore students have changed. Too many people are conformist and lack the eagerness to question or the desire of curiosity. It is good to see that some people in NJ have this, but most are just following blindly. It is evident from the behaviour of some NJ students that they are afraid to stand up for what they believe is right, choosing to conform to the school rules. This kiasu behaviour of being afraid to lose may help them now, but I think in the real world, if you can't even defend yourself and argue about problems confidently, then the future of Singapore's leaders really looks bleak.
You think you know everything just cause you understand all the content dished out at you by the school, but do you have any moral courage? Do you have any self discipline? Do you even know what you stand for and your purpose in life? If not, getting all the achievements and accolades are just a waste of time. I think the most important lesson of education is developing yourself as a person. You can get straight 'A's now, but with a character and behaviour of a robot: emotionless and lifeless, you will never make it far in life.
You will be wondering why I'm talking about this. Because I am sick. I am sick of how students are being oppressed by an invisible force that they claim is the education system when it is themselves that they have to change. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Don't be afraid to be mocked or deemed stupid by others. Don't be afraid to think out of the box which may not be in line with what standard answers expect of you, but it may be a creative idea if viewed from a different perspective.
Right now, most students in my batch are mugging their asses off. But we all know what ever we are learning now will probably be useless to us in the future. What really matters most is learning to be self disciplined and learning to cope with many tasks at hand, to see if you can handle stress and time. That will set you apart as no ordinary individual in the future. Yet that is what's lacking these days. The extreme muggers. People you know who have a fucked up character and a shit personality but do well because they study hard. They lack one thing. And that is strength of character. Which I feel is something far more important than any alphabet given to a student.
Well enough ramblings from me. I guess my thoughts just run wild before I sleep because there's just so much shit in this world that I can address that it'll be endless for me to mention everything.
Ok nvm. The point is when you are doing work, suddenly everything becomes more interesting.
The other day I saw some funny photo about how education stifled our creativity. But honestly, I think the problem lies in ourselves. It is inherent of us students to go for the correct answers all the time, to use the right words to get those marks we yearn so much for. We lose our sense of conviction and confidence in standing up for what we believe in even though it may be considered wrong by others. We brainwash ourselves to think that the answers are the answers and there are no other answers. We are just trapped in this box that we never think out of it. I find it really sad. Education has lost its meaning in Singapore not because of the government, but more on how the mindset of Singapore students have changed. Too many people are conformist and lack the eagerness to question or the desire of curiosity. It is good to see that some people in NJ have this, but most are just following blindly. It is evident from the behaviour of some NJ students that they are afraid to stand up for what they believe is right, choosing to conform to the school rules. This kiasu behaviour of being afraid to lose may help them now, but I think in the real world, if you can't even defend yourself and argue about problems confidently, then the future of Singapore's leaders really looks bleak.
You think you know everything just cause you understand all the content dished out at you by the school, but do you have any moral courage? Do you have any self discipline? Do you even know what you stand for and your purpose in life? If not, getting all the achievements and accolades are just a waste of time. I think the most important lesson of education is developing yourself as a person. You can get straight 'A's now, but with a character and behaviour of a robot: emotionless and lifeless, you will never make it far in life.
You will be wondering why I'm talking about this. Because I am sick. I am sick of how students are being oppressed by an invisible force that they claim is the education system when it is themselves that they have to change. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Don't be afraid to be mocked or deemed stupid by others. Don't be afraid to think out of the box which may not be in line with what standard answers expect of you, but it may be a creative idea if viewed from a different perspective.
Right now, most students in my batch are mugging their asses off. But we all know what ever we are learning now will probably be useless to us in the future. What really matters most is learning to be self disciplined and learning to cope with many tasks at hand, to see if you can handle stress and time. That will set you apart as no ordinary individual in the future. Yet that is what's lacking these days. The extreme muggers. People you know who have a fucked up character and a shit personality but do well because they study hard. They lack one thing. And that is strength of character. Which I feel is something far more important than any alphabet given to a student.
Well enough ramblings from me. I guess my thoughts just run wild before I sleep because there's just so much shit in this world that I can address that it'll be endless for me to mention everything.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Religion
September 11. A date that will live forever in infamy. I was Primary One then. I didn't know what really happened; I didn't know the full details. However, as I grew older, I read more about this world changing catastrophe and was appalled by how ugly human beings can become. As I grew even older and my curiosity for knowledge grew, I read about the various conspiracies of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Some of them seem absurd, some of them seem believable.
But aside from the theories of what exactly happened that day, it is with no doubt that the terrorists played a role in this. Whether or not the US government had a conspiracy still remains a mystery.
I think that what really matters most is learning from the past. The disaster stemmed from one single problem: religious hatred. Religion has always been a controversial topic for most to talk about, but I think it's time to get things straight.
I was once a Christian, until things changed. I grew to dislike the other kids at the Sunday school my parents sent me, because most of them were snobbish and arrogant, always boasting about their latest gaming gadgets. I had almost no friends in Sunday school because I was deemed the outcast for not having the latest game boy or whatever the other kids were in to. During Sunday school lessons, where the teacher would teach us stories from the bible, I would listen attentively because the stories of miracles and life lessons intrigued me. The other kids were just busy playing with their own electronic toys, some of them didn't even other to bring their bibles with them. I hated them. But I still kept to my faith, because these stories inspired me during my adolescence.
Then I grew up to become a teenager. I attended church services. Youth services. They were different from what I expected, cause they were more like concerts rather than traditional church services. But I enjoyed it a lot. After the singing of songs in concert style, everyone would sit down and listen to the sermon. This is the point I get irritated with others. Some of them fall asleep. Some of them use their phone. I think this just shows that they don't respect the pastor's sermon. I didn't like it. Then after church, there was the obligatory socializing with other church members through lunch and hanging out at nearby malls. I was sec 1 to 2 then, so I was quite naive. Many of the older people I hung out with often gossiped during these social sessions and bad mouthed others. I found it extremely weird that they were so pretentious: they acted nicely to the people they bad mouth in church, but once they were out of there they just reverted back to their normal self. I always suspected that these people go to church just to socialize and not to worship God. It really seems like everyone just gathers in this place once a week just to compare clothing. Slowly, I grew to resent going to church because of the people there. Some people in my sec sch who didn't know I was Christian tried inviting me to their church, telling me that if I go they get some bonus or benefits from their church or something. This made me feel like a tool. And I always wondered, why do people try and force their religion on others? You don't see Buddhists asking you to go to their temple... And so I ended up losing faith in my religion, but in my heart, I still truly am a christian even though I don't go to church anymore. I believe that there is a god. I just don't like his fan club.
To those who are reading this who may feel offended by all that I said, know that I do not judge you for your religion, but rather it depends on your actions. I always wondered, and sometimes prayed to God even, that ever since I gave up my faith, does that mean I will go to hell when I die? What if I have led a meaningful life? What if I have been a good person? Just because on my death certificate it says free thinker, does that entitle me to a lifetime in hell? I didn't understand, and I will never understand till the day comes for me to leave this world. It just seems as though more and more Christians are diverting away from the teachings of God and twisting and warping the verses to boost their own self esteem. Sometimes I think it's not the faith in Christianity that has died in me, but rather the faith in humanity as a whole.
And that leads back to the event that happened 11 years ago. Religious hate comes about because one religion's aims conflict with another. But I think there should only be one religion in this world, and that is humanity. We should embrace our differences rather than pick on them as flaws and accept people for who they are. Our only aim as one species should be to care for each other regardless of our different backgrounds.
But aside from the theories of what exactly happened that day, it is with no doubt that the terrorists played a role in this. Whether or not the US government had a conspiracy still remains a mystery.
I think that what really matters most is learning from the past. The disaster stemmed from one single problem: religious hatred. Religion has always been a controversial topic for most to talk about, but I think it's time to get things straight.
I was once a Christian, until things changed. I grew to dislike the other kids at the Sunday school my parents sent me, because most of them were snobbish and arrogant, always boasting about their latest gaming gadgets. I had almost no friends in Sunday school because I was deemed the outcast for not having the latest game boy or whatever the other kids were in to. During Sunday school lessons, where the teacher would teach us stories from the bible, I would listen attentively because the stories of miracles and life lessons intrigued me. The other kids were just busy playing with their own electronic toys, some of them didn't even other to bring their bibles with them. I hated them. But I still kept to my faith, because these stories inspired me during my adolescence.
Then I grew up to become a teenager. I attended church services. Youth services. They were different from what I expected, cause they were more like concerts rather than traditional church services. But I enjoyed it a lot. After the singing of songs in concert style, everyone would sit down and listen to the sermon. This is the point I get irritated with others. Some of them fall asleep. Some of them use their phone. I think this just shows that they don't respect the pastor's sermon. I didn't like it. Then after church, there was the obligatory socializing with other church members through lunch and hanging out at nearby malls. I was sec 1 to 2 then, so I was quite naive. Many of the older people I hung out with often gossiped during these social sessions and bad mouthed others. I found it extremely weird that they were so pretentious: they acted nicely to the people they bad mouth in church, but once they were out of there they just reverted back to their normal self. I always suspected that these people go to church just to socialize and not to worship God. It really seems like everyone just gathers in this place once a week just to compare clothing. Slowly, I grew to resent going to church because of the people there. Some people in my sec sch who didn't know I was Christian tried inviting me to their church, telling me that if I go they get some bonus or benefits from their church or something. This made me feel like a tool. And I always wondered, why do people try and force their religion on others? You don't see Buddhists asking you to go to their temple... And so I ended up losing faith in my religion, but in my heart, I still truly am a christian even though I don't go to church anymore. I believe that there is a god. I just don't like his fan club.
To those who are reading this who may feel offended by all that I said, know that I do not judge you for your religion, but rather it depends on your actions. I always wondered, and sometimes prayed to God even, that ever since I gave up my faith, does that mean I will go to hell when I die? What if I have led a meaningful life? What if I have been a good person? Just because on my death certificate it says free thinker, does that entitle me to a lifetime in hell? I didn't understand, and I will never understand till the day comes for me to leave this world. It just seems as though more and more Christians are diverting away from the teachings of God and twisting and warping the verses to boost their own self esteem. Sometimes I think it's not the faith in Christianity that has died in me, but rather the faith in humanity as a whole.
And that leads back to the event that happened 11 years ago. Religious hate comes about because one religion's aims conflict with another. But I think there should only be one religion in this world, and that is humanity. We should embrace our differences rather than pick on them as flaws and accept people for who they are. Our only aim as one species should be to care for each other regardless of our different backgrounds.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
The past
Was browsing twitter yesterday, only to see a familiar name at the sidebar for suggested people to follow. Come to think of it, I follow very few of my sec sch friends on twitter. Only a few of them know I have twitter and followed me. Guess I'm just lazy haha.
But seeing that familiar name sent a pang of regret and guilt in me. It's sad that things turned out this way, which still haunts me every now and then. How people were so close friends, but everything just falls apart with time. Thinking back, my sec sch life was really messed up, but it was fun while it lasted. And now that I'm on the brink of graduating from JC, I know that the inevitable drifting apart will occur again, and I will only end up keeping a handful of friendships. But that's what most people go through. People come and go way too fast.
Then there's army life. I'm gonna meet new friends there. Then when army's over, I may lose touch with some of them. Then uni. New friends again. Then graduation. Lose touch again. This endless cycle is too much, it makes you wonder if all friendships are just for the sake of not feeling lonely during those years in your life. Maybe that's why some people are afraid of meeting new people, afraid of befriending others. Because they are scared of rejection and they know that friendships don't last.
I've always asked my parents the purpose of friendship. They told me that as I grow older, the less friends I will have, but the more true friends I will keep. I find this really true.. And when you are in shit, these are the friends that will stand by you, not the the other fair weather friends.
I don't have to say who my close friends are, they know who they are for themselves. But if you are reading this, I hope that in the future our friendship will still remain.
Even though in my entire life, the people I can trust most are my family members, friendship is still important to me.
Or am I destined to walk forever with only a shadow at my back? I once dreamt of traveling around the world alone, bag packing with just my climbing shoes, chalk and crash pads, and climb the many boulder routes just waiting for me out there. It is a desirable life. To have a sense of solitude forever. But I think, given y personality, I won't be able to bear with it.
After A levels, I have so much in mind. To train hard in climbing and exceed plateaus. To become much fitter than I ever was. But I wonder if I'll just end up doing it alone.
Well enough bullshit, back to spamming papers for prelims.
But seeing that familiar name sent a pang of regret and guilt in me. It's sad that things turned out this way, which still haunts me every now and then. How people were so close friends, but everything just falls apart with time. Thinking back, my sec sch life was really messed up, but it was fun while it lasted. And now that I'm on the brink of graduating from JC, I know that the inevitable drifting apart will occur again, and I will only end up keeping a handful of friendships. But that's what most people go through. People come and go way too fast.
Then there's army life. I'm gonna meet new friends there. Then when army's over, I may lose touch with some of them. Then uni. New friends again. Then graduation. Lose touch again. This endless cycle is too much, it makes you wonder if all friendships are just for the sake of not feeling lonely during those years in your life. Maybe that's why some people are afraid of meeting new people, afraid of befriending others. Because they are scared of rejection and they know that friendships don't last.
I've always asked my parents the purpose of friendship. They told me that as I grow older, the less friends I will have, but the more true friends I will keep. I find this really true.. And when you are in shit, these are the friends that will stand by you, not the the other fair weather friends.
I don't have to say who my close friends are, they know who they are for themselves. But if you are reading this, I hope that in the future our friendship will still remain.
Even though in my entire life, the people I can trust most are my family members, friendship is still important to me.
Or am I destined to walk forever with only a shadow at my back? I once dreamt of traveling around the world alone, bag packing with just my climbing shoes, chalk and crash pads, and climb the many boulder routes just waiting for me out there. It is a desirable life. To have a sense of solitude forever. But I think, given y personality, I won't be able to bear with it.
After A levels, I have so much in mind. To train hard in climbing and exceed plateaus. To become much fitter than I ever was. But I wonder if I'll just end up doing it alone.
Well enough bullshit, back to spamming papers for prelims.
Tagboard
So I decided to remove my tagboard since it's getting spammed by bots all the time. So if you wanna comment anything, there's always the comment button for my posts. Just remember to include your name so I know who u are..
plan to do at least 3 full papers of each subject given the amount of time I have left.
then the weekends will be spent on physics and H3 chem.
oh well. back to work.
plan to do at least 3 full papers of each subject given the amount of time I have left.
then the weekends will be spent on physics and H3 chem.
oh well. back to work.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Three nightmares
Three nightmares in a row. Three. No wonder I woke up with a slight headache.
Can't remember the full details, but I shall try my best to recall.
First nightmare:
Dreamt that my econs teacher returned us our econs paper 2 (essays). She graded me L1-2 marks for every essay, and she didn't even write any remarks or correct any errors for any of my essay. I was furious and demanded an explanation from her, shouting at her and throwing the torn papers in her face. And that's all I can rmb. According to my mum, I was screaming in my sleep a lot last night. Yeah, I have this problem since young. I sleep talk, and sometimes I even sleep walk.
Second nightmare:
Can't rmb the full details, but I was free soloing (climbing without rope) on the NJ rock wall, and at the overhang I fell off. Then as I was falling in first person view, I suddenly switched to their person view with me standing at the side of the rock wall at the bottom, and seeing myself falling and splattering the ground with a pool of blood spilling out. Then i saw the principal and vice principal arrive. They couldn't see me standing at the side but they could see my corpse. I think I was a ghost. They shook their head and said they had better demolish the rock wall and boulder gym now that it is "cursed". I yelled "NO!" very loudly and walked towards them in my ghost like form. Then the vp screamed and said she felt a presence here, and they both ran off. That was the end of the second nightmare.
Third nightmare:
I was in a carriage, blindfolded and bounded by my hands. I couldn't talk or yell, I could only whimper because I was gagged too. I was then brought down roughly by someone, and made to kneel down with my head pointing up. I heard the sound of a gun cocking. I immediately panicked. But it was too late, the last thing I heard was a gunshot, and then I woke up with a slight headache...
Can't remember the full details, but I shall try my best to recall.
First nightmare:
Dreamt that my econs teacher returned us our econs paper 2 (essays). She graded me L1-2 marks for every essay, and she didn't even write any remarks or correct any errors for any of my essay. I was furious and demanded an explanation from her, shouting at her and throwing the torn papers in her face. And that's all I can rmb. According to my mum, I was screaming in my sleep a lot last night. Yeah, I have this problem since young. I sleep talk, and sometimes I even sleep walk.
Second nightmare:
Can't rmb the full details, but I was free soloing (climbing without rope) on the NJ rock wall, and at the overhang I fell off. Then as I was falling in first person view, I suddenly switched to their person view with me standing at the side of the rock wall at the bottom, and seeing myself falling and splattering the ground with a pool of blood spilling out. Then i saw the principal and vice principal arrive. They couldn't see me standing at the side but they could see my corpse. I think I was a ghost. They shook their head and said they had better demolish the rock wall and boulder gym now that it is "cursed". I yelled "NO!" very loudly and walked towards them in my ghost like form. Then the vp screamed and said she felt a presence here, and they both ran off. That was the end of the second nightmare.
Third nightmare:
I was in a carriage, blindfolded and bounded by my hands. I couldn't talk or yell, I could only whimper because I was gagged too. I was then brought down roughly by someone, and made to kneel down with my head pointing up. I heard the sound of a gun cocking. I immediately panicked. But it was too late, the last thing I heard was a gunshot, and then I woke up with a slight headache...
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Nightmare
So I just woke up. And shit I had the most weird nightmare ever.
So there were many people at this beach. My family members were there. I was eating two pieces of bread by the shore with my dad. Somehow, I told my dad to stay away from the shore cause there might be sharks. And then this freaking shark appeared out of nowhere and grabbed my dad by the leg using it's jaw. It tried to drag him in. I put down my sandwich and out of nowhere I grabbed a harpoon on the beach floor and thrusted it into the eyes of the shark. It bled but it didn't give up. Instead, it tugged even harder at my dad, and I could see his fingernails clawing at the sand for grip and he was screaming in agony. I took a nearby fishing rod and plunged the fish hook into the fin of the shark, then continued to stab it with the harpoon. It then managed to pull my dad into the water. I quickly grabbed the fishing rod and reeled it in. It zipped extremely fast across the water because the shark was struggling to be free of the hook. But as I yanked hard at the rod, a horrific legless body of my dad emerged, and it landed on the beach floor. Thankfully, he was still alive despite being mutilated and the ambulance came.
I then told everyone on the beach to be careful and vowed revenge on the shark.
Then the next scene came.
My aunt was walking by the beach, looking for weapons. Apparently the whole beach population made a fortress near the shore and were gathering supplies. She saw my half eaten sandwich by the shore and she reached down to pick it up. Then in a blink of an eye, the shark chewed off her right arm. But then she smiled back at me and said "it's fine" and then picked up the sandwich with her left arm. She was sent away in an ambulance too.
Then it was the next scene.
Two of the best beach warriors were fighting it out to see who will be sent to defeat the shark. They fought on the sea in their own individual boats, using swords and shields and bow and arrows. Then I spotted the shark's fin from my watchtower. I immediately took my bow and arrow and aimed at it, but I accidentally shot one of the beach warriors in the arm. He cried out in pain. The other warrior shouted "betrayer!" and started shooting arrows at me. I could feel the stinging pain as arrow after arrow plunged deep into my ear. Somehow it was my ear that kept getting hit. And as I was dreaming, I was also aware that I was digging my ear in reality. In the dream, I pulled the arrows off as blood spewed out. I don't know why, but I rushed to where I kept my half eaten sandwich and I quickly ate it up. It was then that I suddenly grew gills in my neck and I couldn't breathe properly. I then sat on a catapult and launched myself towards the sea. Instead, I landed on the ship. The other beach warrior tried to kill me using his sword, but I used my gigantic jaws and bit his head off easily.
"monster! He has become a monster!" the people of the beach yelled, as they threw stones at me. I dived deep underwater, finally glad that I could breathe. I spotted the shark coming towards me at lightning speed, and I braced for impact. However, instead of ramming into me, it halted.
"you! What have you become?"
The shark asked me though telepathy.
"I don't know. I think it was the sandwich."
"my blood was on that sandwich! Blood from my eye. Blood that u drew with that sickening harpoon!"
"oh so that's why I turned into this shit."
Then the shark let out a roar, and charged towards me. I dodged it easily, and clawed at it's face using my razor sharp claws. It retaliated by biting off my right arm, and I screamed in pain.
"you are no match for me!" it taunted.
I charged towards the shark and pushed it deep underwater, punching it with all my might using my other remaining arm. However, I accidentally pushed it into one of those active mines underwater, and it gave out a few beeps before it exploded. As it exploded, I flew out from the sea and landed on the beach, with a dead shark beside me.
Somehow I turned back to normal. I announced to the whole beach population that I killed the shark, and held its corpse up high in glory using my remaining arm. They then shouted back "you are the true monstrosity!"
And a barrage of arrows came, and I could feel them all piercing into me, and as I lay dying on the beach floor with hundreds of arrows inside of me, I forced myself to wake up because I was a little scared that I might die in my dream. And so I did. I woke up, and I could remember every single detail of my dream. Or should I say nightmare?
Alright, enough bullshit. Time to eat my breakfast and do some work... Hope u enjoyed the wild imagination of my sub conscious self.
So there were many people at this beach. My family members were there. I was eating two pieces of bread by the shore with my dad. Somehow, I told my dad to stay away from the shore cause there might be sharks. And then this freaking shark appeared out of nowhere and grabbed my dad by the leg using it's jaw. It tried to drag him in. I put down my sandwich and out of nowhere I grabbed a harpoon on the beach floor and thrusted it into the eyes of the shark. It bled but it didn't give up. Instead, it tugged even harder at my dad, and I could see his fingernails clawing at the sand for grip and he was screaming in agony. I took a nearby fishing rod and plunged the fish hook into the fin of the shark, then continued to stab it with the harpoon. It then managed to pull my dad into the water. I quickly grabbed the fishing rod and reeled it in. It zipped extremely fast across the water because the shark was struggling to be free of the hook. But as I yanked hard at the rod, a horrific legless body of my dad emerged, and it landed on the beach floor. Thankfully, he was still alive despite being mutilated and the ambulance came.
I then told everyone on the beach to be careful and vowed revenge on the shark.
Then the next scene came.
My aunt was walking by the beach, looking for weapons. Apparently the whole beach population made a fortress near the shore and were gathering supplies. She saw my half eaten sandwich by the shore and she reached down to pick it up. Then in a blink of an eye, the shark chewed off her right arm. But then she smiled back at me and said "it's fine" and then picked up the sandwich with her left arm. She was sent away in an ambulance too.
Then it was the next scene.
Two of the best beach warriors were fighting it out to see who will be sent to defeat the shark. They fought on the sea in their own individual boats, using swords and shields and bow and arrows. Then I spotted the shark's fin from my watchtower. I immediately took my bow and arrow and aimed at it, but I accidentally shot one of the beach warriors in the arm. He cried out in pain. The other warrior shouted "betrayer!" and started shooting arrows at me. I could feel the stinging pain as arrow after arrow plunged deep into my ear. Somehow it was my ear that kept getting hit. And as I was dreaming, I was also aware that I was digging my ear in reality. In the dream, I pulled the arrows off as blood spewed out. I don't know why, but I rushed to where I kept my half eaten sandwich and I quickly ate it up. It was then that I suddenly grew gills in my neck and I couldn't breathe properly. I then sat on a catapult and launched myself towards the sea. Instead, I landed on the ship. The other beach warrior tried to kill me using his sword, but I used my gigantic jaws and bit his head off easily.
"monster! He has become a monster!" the people of the beach yelled, as they threw stones at me. I dived deep underwater, finally glad that I could breathe. I spotted the shark coming towards me at lightning speed, and I braced for impact. However, instead of ramming into me, it halted.
"you! What have you become?"
The shark asked me though telepathy.
"I don't know. I think it was the sandwich."
"my blood was on that sandwich! Blood from my eye. Blood that u drew with that sickening harpoon!"
"oh so that's why I turned into this shit."
Then the shark let out a roar, and charged towards me. I dodged it easily, and clawed at it's face using my razor sharp claws. It retaliated by biting off my right arm, and I screamed in pain.
"you are no match for me!" it taunted.
I charged towards the shark and pushed it deep underwater, punching it with all my might using my other remaining arm. However, I accidentally pushed it into one of those active mines underwater, and it gave out a few beeps before it exploded. As it exploded, I flew out from the sea and landed on the beach, with a dead shark beside me.
Somehow I turned back to normal. I announced to the whole beach population that I killed the shark, and held its corpse up high in glory using my remaining arm. They then shouted back "you are the true monstrosity!"
And a barrage of arrows came, and I could feel them all piercing into me, and as I lay dying on the beach floor with hundreds of arrows inside of me, I forced myself to wake up because I was a little scared that I might die in my dream. And so I did. I woke up, and I could remember every single detail of my dream. Or should I say nightmare?
Alright, enough bullshit. Time to eat my breakfast and do some work... Hope u enjoyed the wild imagination of my sub conscious self.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Prelims
So econs paper 2 and both Gp papers are over for prelims.
Well I am confident to say I will definitely not fail econs this time. But whether or not I can clinch a C, remains a mystery.
As for GP, not really sure what to expect. Essay was ok, had the right attitude when facing the paper and even though my argument degenerated towards the end, I should be able to get a decent mark. As for my compre... Think I screwed my AQ. Kept over thinking the question and didn't put my answer simply. Didn't even know dafuq I was writing towards the end lol. So yep. Just have to pray for the best. On the contrary, my vocab won't definitely be getting 1 mark as with all my past compres. I think clarity of thought is really important. After the Gp paper 2 was over, I could think of proper points to write for the AQ, but it was too late of course. But it's not too late for A levels and I just have to calm down during the exam haha.
Aside the nerdy talk, spent teacher's day celebrations on Friday quite enjoyably. Had a lot of fun and it was a meaningful time. The performances and itinerary in the hall was good too, surprisingly. Even though the aces day dance got screwed by the rain, it was still fun because my class makes any shit fun. Giving the cards to all the teachers was great too. I decided that since we were graduating, we shouldn't be giving gifts to our teachers. We should be giving our heartfelt appreciation through words that they can keep and remember us by even after we are gone. That's what cards are for, aren't they? After that spent the afternoon playing b ball lunch and pool with buff and span. It was fun because, well, it's buff and span. Things can only get retarded when the three of us are together.
Then the weekends. Spent the past two days doing econs case studies only. Today was no different. Sigh. But I must press on because the main papers are coming! Kinda scared that I don't have enough time to revise everything.
On the plus side, the end of a levels are nearing! Can't wait for it to end, and then live a carefree life. At least before I enter NS. But I'm looking forward to NS too, it's just like going to school. You wear a uniform, there are rules and rituals to follow, you have friends going through shit with you, but the only big difference is you are trained more physically than mentally as compared to education. Which I really prefer right now because I feel damn unfit... Can't wait to climb too. Been a long time since I climbed. I think I suck like shit now, but that's kinda inevitable.
A few things I wanna do after A levels:
CLIMB like there's no tmr~
Return back to NJ to coach juniors in climbing
Learn parkour
Get more nerf guns and have nerf wars
Start running and training for NS
Maybe try and get a job? To fund my climbing payments haha. Maybe after work I can go and climb
Play pool
Play Dota
Play runescape
And yes I still play that game because personally it was and still is my childhood favourite
Shit at this rate I'll never be able to do everything. And I probably won't have to sleep anymore. But my priority lies in climbing. Gonna climb once every two days. It's gonna be intense. It's gonna be hardcore. But damn it's gonna be so fulfilling. Inter men by next year no matter what!!
I should be going back to doing econs now. Well it's september. And it's idk how many days to a levels but I don't care cause we shouldn't count the days but make the days count.
And I think after A levels, I will reveal on my blog some things that happened to me last year, that I've kept a secret from everyone. And no it wasn't me kicking stuff if that's what you're thinking. This is serious shit here! It's something that has been haunting me, that has made me regret some decisions I made last year but it's ok. Because everything turned out better than expected? Nope.
I shouldn't blog while listening to metal. But metal is and will always be my life. It's true music and any other mainstream genres can go eat shit \m/
Well I am confident to say I will definitely not fail econs this time. But whether or not I can clinch a C, remains a mystery.
As for GP, not really sure what to expect. Essay was ok, had the right attitude when facing the paper and even though my argument degenerated towards the end, I should be able to get a decent mark. As for my compre... Think I screwed my AQ. Kept over thinking the question and didn't put my answer simply. Didn't even know dafuq I was writing towards the end lol. So yep. Just have to pray for the best. On the contrary, my vocab won't definitely be getting 1 mark as with all my past compres. I think clarity of thought is really important. After the Gp paper 2 was over, I could think of proper points to write for the AQ, but it was too late of course. But it's not too late for A levels and I just have to calm down during the exam haha.
Aside the nerdy talk, spent teacher's day celebrations on Friday quite enjoyably. Had a lot of fun and it was a meaningful time. The performances and itinerary in the hall was good too, surprisingly. Even though the aces day dance got screwed by the rain, it was still fun because my class makes any shit fun. Giving the cards to all the teachers was great too. I decided that since we were graduating, we shouldn't be giving gifts to our teachers. We should be giving our heartfelt appreciation through words that they can keep and remember us by even after we are gone. That's what cards are for, aren't they? After that spent the afternoon playing b ball lunch and pool with buff and span. It was fun because, well, it's buff and span. Things can only get retarded when the three of us are together.
Then the weekends. Spent the past two days doing econs case studies only. Today was no different. Sigh. But I must press on because the main papers are coming! Kinda scared that I don't have enough time to revise everything.
On the plus side, the end of a levels are nearing! Can't wait for it to end, and then live a carefree life. At least before I enter NS. But I'm looking forward to NS too, it's just like going to school. You wear a uniform, there are rules and rituals to follow, you have friends going through shit with you, but the only big difference is you are trained more physically than mentally as compared to education. Which I really prefer right now because I feel damn unfit... Can't wait to climb too. Been a long time since I climbed. I think I suck like shit now, but that's kinda inevitable.
A few things I wanna do after A levels:
CLIMB like there's no tmr~
Return back to NJ to coach juniors in climbing
Learn parkour
Get more nerf guns and have nerf wars
Start running and training for NS
Maybe try and get a job? To fund my climbing payments haha. Maybe after work I can go and climb
Play pool
Play Dota
Play runescape
And yes I still play that game because personally it was and still is my childhood favourite
Shit at this rate I'll never be able to do everything. And I probably won't have to sleep anymore. But my priority lies in climbing. Gonna climb once every two days. It's gonna be intense. It's gonna be hardcore. But damn it's gonna be so fulfilling. Inter men by next year no matter what!!
I should be going back to doing econs now. Well it's september. And it's idk how many days to a levels but I don't care cause we shouldn't count the days but make the days count.
And I think after A levels, I will reveal on my blog some things that happened to me last year, that I've kept a secret from everyone. And no it wasn't me kicking stuff if that's what you're thinking. This is serious shit here! It's something that has been haunting me, that has made me regret some decisions I made last year but it's ok. Because everything turned out better than expected? Nope.
I shouldn't blog while listening to metal. But metal is and will always be my life. It's true music and any other mainstream genres can go eat shit \m/
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