A day of mixed feelings

Title says it all.

Today was quite an eventful day. Woke up quite late for school but managed to reach on time.

Zhi yong didn't feel very well today to do Maktab so Samuel replaced him instead. After pleading Samuel a lot he finally allowed me to take over his Monday Maktab slot :D can't wait~

Then there was physics and Chem lesson. It was ok. Then econs test. Made a bet with some of my classmates that if I pass I would do something stupid. And there's no way im going to pass. I seriously hate LCC. I think I'm really the kind of student Jo is affected by the teaching standard of my teacher. If she doesn't give a damn to put in more effort in her teaching rather than read off the lecture notes all the time, then perhaps I would give a damn too. But in the end I only have myself to rely on. No need to depend on this year's screwed up econs dept.

Then there was PE. It was quite hiong. Discovered that I'm not v good at running fast. Or running for that matter. Then there was maths. Got 18 for the test although I know I could have done better if I actually studied harder.

Leadership period was a joke because whatever the school was trying to do was an utter failure but joking around with miss g was the fun part.

Then came heats. Shall not say much about it. Let's just say I threw my face. a lot. I wonder why the f did I even sign up in the first place. Doesn't matter anymore now that it is over though. I just don't know why I'm not cut out for running. Maybe it's just me. I really am a climbing boy. I feel comfortable hanging from a wall rather than running on the track. It's just the way I am. I think there's something wrong with my running technique though. Idk. I was never a runner. I could tell I ran rather awkwardly..

However, I realized there's one person I really respect today. And that's Gavin Loh. Someone who is humble despite being so talented. If only I could have more humility. I guess being so lousy for my heats is one big slap to my ego. From now on I will no longer have any tinge of arrogance.

Ate dinner with some of the climbers after that. Tau huay at hougang rocks!

Today ended off on a bad note though. Sigh. Time to do Gp homework.. Until next time.

Here I am.

Today was a great day:) got to go home and see the sun for the second time this year. But the only reason I went home early was to study for econs test tmr:/ honestly I have no idea what's going on. I never felt so screwed for econs before. Last year was so good with mr Eli, now LCC is just a big joke to me that reminds me how some jc teachers are really no use and just want to get their job done and their pay without caring about their students. It's ok though. One year in this place has taught me one valuable lesson, through all the screwed up subjects and my parents trying to force tuition on me and the chem olympiad case, I learnt that being independent is the only way to survive in acads, and even in this cold and harsh cruel world.

But that aside, today was still a good day if it wasn't for tomorrow. There's both heats and econs test tmr and I'm afraid I wont be doing well for both..

Enough talk. There's so much to settle this week. Gp homework. H3 homework. Econs test. Chem test. Heats. Climbing training. Climbing training log. Climbing onsight training list. Climbing juniors. Climbing singlet and shirt. And get boulder. I hope I will manage to pull that one off nicely.

I can really see a climbing team forming now. Not that there wasn't one last time, but now it feels really proper and official even though it isn't in the eyes of this selfish school. It is a pity that they're tearing down the boulder gym. I spent the best moments of my school life in there especially last year when I was still a noob. I progressed in climbing through that wonderful place and I found strong and everlasting friendship there. Everytime we train there now I just get pangs of guilt. I don't know if I have done enough as a CAO to defend our rights as climbers. It haunts me everyday that all I did was just a piece of paper... And now all I can do is to watch helplessly.

I think I can't bear to face the day they tear it down. I might just break down in school. I can already foresee it.. And the juniors will never get to experience fully the joy we had last year. I'm gonna miss the boulder gym a lot. It is like having a long lost brother suddenly reconciling with you for a year, and then he dies suddenly.

But enough about that. It's just gonna make me even more depressed.

At least in this grey place, I found some happiness
:)

The numbness of the world

Yesterday was quite a good day. CIP was really enjoyable even though it was a mad rush haha. I think overall my class did a great job:)

The morning started badly because it made me question the legitimacy of the road run donation. It only made me feel that the school only sees us as income potential. I hate how school has transformed people into testimonial greedy idiots. But this is just the beginning, I know out in the harsh and cruel society that we live in, you are only as important as the amount of wealth you got. You're only as important as what a piece of paper says about you.

Slacking in the OAC store now listening to music while lying down, thinking about lots of stuff. I wonder what the future will bring for me.. Hmm.

It's funny how life turned out to be. How things that were unexpected actually happen. I was so close. Luckily I didn't take the next step. maybe things are better this way, and I'm happy with it too. I got over it long ago, it was just a temporary thing and now I realized how stupid I was. It's time to move on again. Maybe this time I will make the right moves.

Looking forward to orientation camp tmr. Kinda excited being a facilitator of the camp. I can still recall in detail how last year's camp was like. I hope this time my batch would do an even better job :)

I think I need some rest. Time to sleep. There's climbing training later. But today's gonna be quite different since ken won't be there...

It's that numb feeling you get when you mature a little with every passing day.

Shit

Today was just.

Fucked up. Really fucked up. No other way to describe today.

But I guess going for the hike to bukit timah hill with Zhi Yong was quite fun. Quite glad to go with him to pay for the OBC registration payment and get the first aid supplies. Damn. OBC. It just gives me a bad feeling now that things have turned out this way. But I must move on from this. Ken, if you are reading this, don't ever let this fucking school make you lose passion in climbing. We're loyal to NJ climbing team whether official or not, but we're definitely not loyal to NJ itself.

Got no mood to do my work now. My mind is just filled with thoughts of how to move on from here. The school took away one valuable climber. Someday I will repay the school in kind once I graduate.

I'm glad the day ended fine though. It's nice to just let everything out. To just rattle away. Thanks for tolerating with all my crap. Really just needed a listening ear...

Talking to tengboon now on whatsapp. Can't believe after all this time we still gl each other like the good old days. And thanks for being my loyal blog reader for 6 years. And no I'm not giving u any prize for that you can just go eat shit haha.

Hope tomorrow will be a better day. CIP and CCA. Dilemma.

First ever climbing pt

Today was a generally good day. Lessons went by quite smoothly. Nothing much to comment. Today we had our first climbing pt. oh I also gave out the climbing singlets to some of the climbers. I dont really like it though. I'm gonna come up with a far better one!

The pt was quite good. It was a bit hiong but I think it could have been more intense:) But I'm quite happy that our trainings are much more structured now. And we're all on the road to improvement! Today I felt genuine happiness. It's that feeling you get when you are with people that you really want to be with. being the CAO isn't really like a leadership position to me. Some people don't like their roles and doing all the saikang but for me, seeing the potential in this team and how comfortable I am with everyone makes me feel that whatever I contribute is all worthwhile. I think I finally found my true calling and where I really belong :)

I think this team really motivates me to do all that I can to improve it. I'll definitely look forward to the new junior batch of climbers and to instill the kind of passion we had in them:)

So overall today was really good for me. Ended off the day with helping Zhi Yong to check the first aid kits. And tmr I'm going to recce bukit timah hill with him. Looking forward to it because honestly I've never been to the peak before I think :O

But the day ended quite negatively. But oh well. I won't let something so minor affect my mood. But maybe it's just me over thinking again. It's hard to discern the feelings of others sometimes, and we ironically end up finding difficulty in trying to understand our own.

Sunday

Sunday. Ended up doing maths from morning to night. Still doing maths now. Went to cut my hair in the evening, now it's as short as last year when I cut it botak :D but honestly I prefer short hair, I don't really like leaving my hair too long.

But generally today was quite a good and happy day for me. My sis bought lao ban tau huay back for the whole family to eat haha.

Tomorrow there's a maths test. I hope I don't fail even though I studied last minute.

Hmm nothing much to say about today. I guess school is more eventful than my boring Sunday. Looking forward to school tomorrow!

Back to another week of stress. Another week of fun. Another week of joy and laughter with the people I enjoy being with :)

Last night I had a very weird dream. I dreamt that I was free soloing around the school. It felt really good to climb around the school without being scared of being caught my teachers. And when I woke up my shoulders were aching. Must be from climbing yesterday though :P

Oh and yesterday's climbing was really good. our old senior was there to guide us. Can't believe he is in inter men category! Someday I wanna aim even higher than him :)

Ok back to work!

If you're reading this means you visited my blog:) You know who you are :D

Friday is forever

Friday's always a relax day. The lessons are relaxed. The breaks are relaxed. There's nothing to do after school. Everything just feels carefree. But it's the sudden halt in your life that gives you that empty feeling inside. I've been climbing from Monday to Thursday under this sickening illness. Today is my rest day. There's no way I'm gonna spend it by mugging. I need my rest time from the weekly stress faced. I feel quite guilty though. I've been neglecting maths and econs a lot. But that's cause my econs teacher really CMI. I really want mr Eli back.. Oh well. There's nothing i can do but just suck it up and go independent. As for maths, I don't know why I'm so slow...

Ok enough about depressing shit like that. It's time to talk about happier things. The boulder gym looks really nice now. I really love it. Shit I just got reminded of the fact that it will be torn down in June. What a fucking waste.

Sigh. It seems like when I try and think of something happy, I just get reminded of unhappy things again. But I must admit I really do have a lucky life. I have a stable family, I have a bonded class, I have the best CCA ever, etc. some people don't have any of those at all. I always told myself to treasure what I have, because I know nothing on this earth last forever. But I always end up neglecting many things, and by the time I realize my negligence it's already too late. I hope I made the right choice this time. I don't want to end up a fool anymore...

Goals in life

So I decided to come up with some goals I have for this year. Something like a new year resolution even though I know i'm quite lag.

1) For NJ Climbing to improve significantly and to train this year's juniors to surpass their plateaus easily.

2) Adopt a determined and humble attitude for my As this year. No more fooling around. Will force myself to do work everyday no matter how late I reach home or how tired i feel.

3) Gain more weight and just get fitter.

4) Run longer distances and run faster.

Hope I can achieve this aims. Time to do work:)

:)

Well today was a very good day for me. Can't say the same about ken :( hope he manages to pull through from this hell week of his. Really feel sad for him that he is going through so much unlucky shit. Sometimes I think maybe he takes his mind off all the stress faced in JC through Climbing; just like me.

I got scolded today by my parents when I came home because I've been coming home late everyday cause of climbing. But it's what makes me happy. I think that no matter how tired I feel after climbing, it always destresses me. Even though now in sick because I haven't been sleeping much for the past few days, it's climbing with all my close friends that motivates me to still go to school. I'm so tired. Just so tired. Even when my mum was scolding me this morning when she was driving me to school, I just fell asleep in the car. I was so tired I just simply ignored everything. But after today's OAC training I felt refreshed! Although it rained and we couldn't do the climbing wall dry run in time, it was still alright cause the members got to try the modified routes. Really appreciated everyone's effort today:)

But what made me extremely happy today was getting a card! It really did cheer me up from a long and tiring day :) i really hope things would work out in the end.

Anyway i got the old throat infection again. It just keeps coming back. Really hate it a lot. But I'm still happy after today :)

Time to do some homework.

And I also discovered Deepak listens to A7X omg holy shit finally someone I know in NJ likes and knows about A7X woohoo!!

He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.

:)

Currently back home after climbing today as OAC reunion dinner. Was really nice to meet the seniors and share our experiences with each other! I realized that some traditions just never get old:)

Well time to sleep, hopefully get this feeling off me as soon as possible :(

Hmmm

So walk in was yesterday. It was really great. Did all the dance moves correctly. Even though now I woke up with two bruises on my knee for falling too much, it was all worth it.

Though there are some things I regret not doing yesterday, it was all made up for when my og gave me a nicely done up stack of cards with everyone's thoughts and well wishes for me. Really meant a lot to me (: felt really touched by it and I really love my OG, and I'm gonna miss each and every one of them now that orientation is over.. I hope I did do a good job being their OGL :D went to eat supper with my og and luckily managed to catch tr last train and bus home.

So right now im preparing to go climbing with Ken and Zhi Yong. Even though I'm gonna be late but it's ok cause both of them are probably gonna be late too after last night.

Can't help but feel that I should have done something yesterday, if only I had the balls to do it. Damn it.

Nvm it doesn't matter. It was never meant to be, and should never have happened... But it did, and I didn't expect myself to be that way. I should just get over it and move on with life:)

oh well..

didnt do much today, ate breakfast with my parents then came home to sleep again like a pig. woke up and went to buy a new pair of sports shoes for school cause my current pair was spoilt. shall treat this pair of shoes nicely and not abuse them. also, my shoe size decreased. yes. my feet shrank. must be due to excessive wearing of climbing shoes.

came home, decided to delete everything in my phone and start anew.

boring day.. relatives coming over later for reunion dinner. not close at all to my father's side, gonna sit through a whole meal putting on a false front and tolerating sarcastic remarks.

anyway yesterday's climbing was really damn fun.

but it ended on a damn painful note.. shall just leave it as that.

k my relatives are here alr. time to go make small talk with them!