Christmas

I really enjoyed myself today :)

went with Zi Wei, Ken and Xin Xian to go climb at CA this afternoon. met ken earlier to give him his DRAGON CLIMBER singlet as his birthday present and to eat lunch with him at subway.

today's climbing was great, Zi Wei is gaining more experience and is improving :D I hope he can get at least two bonuses for the upcoming Gravical! XX as usual looked down on herself but i think she climbs quite well, she just needs more confidence :)

talking about gravical, i'm quite worried for it. so far in my life, i havent completed any routes before in any climbing competitions, other than in carnivals. damn sian. but i know gravical will be my chance. i know this is my time to shine. i know i've made significant improvement ever since rockmaster. i just need to be at my top performance on the actual competition date and maybe even go into my rage mode. today i discovered that my climbing ability is partly fuelled by rage mainly due to inability to complete a route. im quite surprised myself :O hope this is a good thing.. also, i realised that the jc bouldering league counts in the top 2 girls in our team, and we have no girl climber in NJ, cause XX is unofficial. DAMN IT. really need to attract more girls into climbing next year if not NJ can say hello to last place again. AND THERES NO WAY I WANT TO BE LAST PLACE. I'LL GLADLY SPLIT MY FINGER SKIN WIDE OPEN IF I HAVE TO COVER UP THE FACT THAT WE HAVE NO GIRLS IN OUR TEAM.

i dont know what the hell am i typing but i really am pumped up for next year's competition. i want to have a good start next year. i want to push myself to overcome the next plateau.

also quite worried about the climbers now. hopefully they would come for more trainings next year since most of them are quite busy now. and also hope that the next CAO would do a much better job than me, to help everyone in the team to surpass their next plateau.

sigh. i really worry too much sometimes, so much so until i dont give a shit about other things. maybe thats why i just dont give a damn about relationships anymore. i think i grew out of it somehow, and finally realised that i have all my life to look for the perfect person and that i am still young. i'd rather skip the heartbreaks and all that shit when im young and just live happily as i am with all my friends.

lol lost my mood to blog anymore. going to go off and do maths now. SIAN.

bye for now.

CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB CLIMB

INSANE I AM INSANE

i think i am addicted to climbing again.

Leadership

Ok I think the title of this post says it all about what I'm gonna discuss about today.

Lately I've been looking around me, thinking to myself, what truly is leadership? I've met several people who I feel have a very wrong idea of what leadership truly is about.

First let me make something clear. I'm not saying I am a good leader. Everyone has their flaws whether or not they are leaders or not. I'm also not defining leadership. This is just my personal opinion.

I think it's really wrong to define leadership. Its something that each one of us can define ourselves. But of course there are some things that leaders should not do. One such thing is defining leadership. There is no one definition, one fixed and rigid way of leading.

I feel that leaders should be able to talk and act, not just do one of the two. Leaders should never look down on the most simple and mundane duties. A leader should be humble and know where he stands and empathize with his men. A leader plans and tries his best when it comes to executing his plan. It may not work out very well, there would always be screw ups, but so long as he doesn't give up and he has never pushed his responsibilities to others, he has done his duty as a leader. No matter what kind of shit happens, a leader must always stay strong and not give in to setbacks. A leader must not be arrogant and must always have humility towards his juniors.

It's ok for a leader to be weak in some areas, but he must at least excel in other areas. Leadership is not about getting rid of your flaws, it's about outshining them with your skills. A leader must always make smart decisions whether they be right or wrong and must always care for the welfare of his men.

This will probably be the last time I blog about leadership. It isn't something that should be talked about but I just feel like letting it out. I wonder if people even still read my blog though. I may be just talking to nobody lol. I read through all that I have just typed. Personally I haven't met these requirements for a leader that I just talked about. But I know I never will. accepting failure is the first step to strong leadership.

That was weird.

Wonder why I even blogged that.

Off to do my homework...

hmm

so time to update again before retarded bots start flooding my tagboard.

anyway a lot has happened for the past few days.

wonder if anybody still reads this shit.

the other day i was thinking of this really cool concept.

i realised that the world really is superficial. even i am superficial to some extent. its sad huh. judging people by their appearance. it drives us to attempt to achieve an impossible perfection, whether it be a slim figure or a buff body. whatever. society has brainwashed us so much that we even forget who we are ourselves and end up trying to be somebody else.

so i thought of a cool concept.

everyone in this world should just be blindfolded.

love looks not with the eyes but with the mind, therefore is winged cupid blind.

this way we wont judge people by their looks.

ugly guy/girl? its ok. i cant see your looks anyway, i'll judge you based on your character. the things you say, the actions you take etc. sometimes i wonder if these eyes, these very pair of eyes i have for 17 years, are they just showing me false images? have we all been seeing what we want to see?

at least in this screwed up society i still keep my sanity and i still maintain a close circle of friends.

i dont ever want to grow up and face the shit that would be thrown at me.

ok im going off topic again.

basically what happened for the past few days

my birthday

class chalet

overseas trip

climbing

OGL stuff

OAC stuff

other random shit

a simple list of what i do. but my life revolves around them, and if i have to live without them then...

I DONT WANT TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE

...

I got no idea why im still up and awake at this time. A lot has been on my mind.

Once again I question my existence. I question this whole purpose of jc life.

I can only regret. The ungrateful decision was made which really tears me apart. I think I'm quite selfish sometimes. But it's for the long term benefit. Sacrifices have to made no matter how painful they are.

Would I actually grow up a successful man but with no friends? If I do, honestly, I'd rather be poor but happy with living with the people around me.

And then there's the conduct grade. Idk how am I gonna get out of this one. Hopefully the school will be kind enough to understand how blur I was to misread the timetable and miss econs lecture. But if they want to drop my conduct grade again I guess there's nothing I can or would have the energy to do. My parents really think I screwed up my life with all the conduct grade shit.

I don't give a fuck.

Like I said. Conduct grades are meant to reflect how much the school thinks u confirm to its rules. To me, it's better to be keeping my morals and dignity rather than be a school dog.

My parents asked me to fake an MC out to explain to the teacher as to why I missed econs lecture. I decided not to. And in a way I was also disgusted. What happened to values like honesty? It's ironic if I lie about what I did and end up not getting a lowered conduct grade.

But ultimately i don't care what happens. Excellent, very good, good, poor, fair? Whatever. Even if it affects my future scholarship it's ok. At least I live with a clear conscience and I know I stick to the right morals.

Or have I?

Or am I just another bastard?

Been a long time since i had these thoughts. I can still remember how happy I was last year nearing my birthday. December 2010 was so great. I miss it so much that just the thought of it makes me regret a lot.

I hope you're doing well wherever you may be, whatever you may do, even though now I may just very well be a forgotten memory.