It's 3am

It's 3am and I can't sleep.

Was looking through my cousin's blog. And discovered one post of hers in 2010 in which she described me as a childish and immature 16 year old with a mind of a 2 year old. I LOLed at that cause it's really true, I was a lame piece of shit back then. But then it dawned on me that I have changed quite a fair bit. Or maybe I haven't. Maybe the inner me who is serious in what he thinks and does is showing himself more often these days. And aside from that, I also wonder if my cousin reads my blog. Come to think of it, I've never mentioned much about my cousins even though I'm very close to them.

So as some of you know, my cousin is in NJ and she's in SH1. I come to sch with her every morning in my grandfather's F1 racing car. I rmb encouraging her to come to NJ at the start of the year, but at the same time I made known to her the flaws of this place. I think walking in to sch with her, those brief moments when we got to talk to each other, even if it's about the most random and trivial things, it's something that I would kinda miss when I graduate. It's funny how many of my cousins find me playful, immature, childish and all, but I guess nobody really got to know me for who I really was, except maybe a few of them I suppose. Anyway, my cousin has faced quite a lot of shit in NJ and I think she probably hates NJ as much as I do. But I hope that like me, she'll leave NJ with friends she'll keep forever and not despise it completely, even the people she meet in there.

Idk if my cousin would ever read this or if she even cares, but growing up with her when we were both young was really fun since we were like buddies last time and how she was like a tomboy and we would always call each other names. But as time passed, we became more absorbed with our own lives, with our new friends and with our new environment of being educated. And that gave us less time to interact, which is natural but a very sad process. I think both of us changed a lot after sec sch, we became different. And it was not just us, it was every other cousin. Everyone was learning to grow up. But I know, some day, we'll have to depend on each other for support when times go bad. When you're in deep shit, the only people you can trust completely are your family members.

Idk if i have gave all the advice and guidance I could to my cousin as a senior, but I hope it was sufficient enough.

I'm quite tired right now. I can't believe it's almost 3.30am. And I am still awake. Fuck this shit...

Back again

So yeah I'm back again. Woohoo.

Anyway, A levels are starting really really soon. In what, 5 more days? Hmm. Set out a plan for myself to do what each day, but I realized I've been overly ambitious and it's not possible to do that much in one day. I'll have to moderate it and give up some tasks. But anyway, I'm feeling alright for the A Levels. I just wanna maintain my composure throughout all the papers and just leave the exam hall with no regrets. This exam won't determine my future, only I do.

So recently a lot of shit has been going on. Which makes me only hate NJ even more. I always did despise the management. It is a pity that I like the people I met here yet I hate the school. The college really disgusts me sometimes with how it handles things. I shall not elaborate further, but to sum it up, I am proud to be... leaving this rigid system for good. I just hope that there would be a change of leadership real soon, and the grand master plan be scraped immediately before it's too late... Yeah I know hope isn't a very good thing, but who am I to change NJ? I can only hope for a miracle with the current state the NJ system is like.

Speaking of which, was having a great talk with my dad just now about society. About how you are nothing without power. That you can't change anything unless you are in the right position. Which is sad because this isn't what a democracy is supposed to be. And I also talked to him about my school, like how I really felt about it and we discussed for quite a long while. It's great talking to my dad especially during moments when I need a listening ear. I'm kinda glad that I have a wonderful dad that listens to me seriously but also jokes around with me at the same time. I really appreciate having someone like him, it's a blessing because there are other kids out there who don't have it as good as me. I will treasure my dad for life. I guess I sort of resemble him both physically and mentally. Even though he probably doesn't read my blog, I just want to say Thank you for being the best dude ever :)

Oh and another important thing happened recently too, I got my enlistment letter!!! Gonna be enlisting with quite a number of my classmates. Jun an enlisting same day and time as me, Gavin same day and Nicholas a few days later. As for the climbers, Samuel is enlisting the same day as me too. Although I'm kinda sad that I won't be enlisting with most of the climbers, I'm still looking forward to NS because I'll get to meet new people and I'm really excited for it. Also, I'm glad that I'll be entering with Jun an, we'll probably be in the same coy. It's a bonus to enter NS with a close friend of yours :D I hope that there won't be too many screwed up people in our coy!

Can't wait for A levels to end. Really. Just freaking get it over and done with.

Oh and one last thing, throughout my two years in NJ, I just want to say that the greatest treasure I gained from it was friendship. I don't know what I'll do without the friends around me, and I'm glad to have met each and every one of them in my short time here. And I think, that's all that matters isn't it? Meeting new people and sharing your life with them? Why pursue all the accolades, all the achievements ad awards when these are just lifeless objects? One day you'll grow old and eventually die. And at your funeral, i'm sure your trophies and shit will cry and mourn for you. And that brings me to another point about NJ which I hate. Giving awards out blindly to people who really don't deserve it.

Well that's all I have to say.

Good luck to everyone for their A Levels!

Last

So today marks the end of official lessons. Didn't really feel anything, it just felt like any other day. It's not like I have left this place for good.

At times I just want to escape from this country/world. All I need is personal space, just to be normal because this is really too much and I can't stand it anymore. Sometimes it feels like the whole world just wants to probe because they are just curious, not because they truly care. Some day, I really dream of just finding one quiet corner of the world and just live there in peace for the rest of my life. I've been considering deleting Facebook and Twitter. Maybe that will really help. And probably privatize my blog so nobody can read it anymore. I had enough of this shit.

Anyway, today was a great day. GP was ok. Took a photo at the end as a class with SP. then econs was also okay. It just ended like that. The last lesson. And she still mentioned about the bell as always. And how appropriate that her laptop battery died towards the end of her lesson, marking the moment that lessons with her finally ended. Maths lecture. Wasn't really paying attention much cause I just wanted the day to end as quickly as possible.

Then after school played many rounds of basketball at the indoor sports hall with many different people. Was quite on form today. Or maybe my aim really did improve :O

Anyway I plan to start doing my Gp essay homework at 6pm later so I can finish it at 7.30pm under time condition.

I don't know what to feel during the graduation ceremony tmr, will it be relieve, happiness or sadness? Or mixed emotions? What ever happens tmr, I don't really bother because all I want to do tmr is to visit the boulder gym and see the juniors one last time before the A levels.

After basketball, I was feeling quite tired, so I tried looking for a place to rest. Somehow my mind and feet made me walk towards the amphi and just sit there and stare at the rock wall. Then after that went for H3, which was cancelled in the end.

Ok better start on my GP now. Until next time.

Everyday, ever ready

Everyday it's the same thing. Go to school. Come back home. Do the necessary shit. Start doing my work on the desk until bed time. And yet it seems like it's never enough to finish everything. Sigh. But this is gonna be the last week. I don't know if I am happy that there are no more lessons and I can finally start revising properly with adequate sleep or be sad that it's the final week of lessons in this school that taught me so much with all the screwed up things observed here.

Hmm.

I think it's a feeling of mixed emotions.

I'll find out how I really feel on Friday then. Oh yeah, the juniors are resuming climbing training this Wednesday. Hope I can have time to pop by after maths or something. Well I know for sure that it wouldn't be the last time I would be walking through (or climbing over:P) that green gate, unless what's inside is all gone when I'm gone too. If that's the case, I'm probably gonna sever all ties I ever had with this screwed up place.

I also hope I'll be ever ready for the A levels. Hahaha who am I kidding. I can only hope for now and do all I can through revision, revision and more revision.

Is life all about answering questions? Just listlessly writing down the main points/keywords? It's definitely not than that and I want to experience what the real world is really like, not this.

Wtf am I saying.

Back to work.

I'm gonna try and type as fast as possible A to Z on my phone and see how accurate I am.

Attempt 1:
Abcfefghijklmnopqestucwxyz

Attempt 2:
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvexyz

Attempt 3:
Abcdefghijklmnopqrstucwxyz

Fail...

Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

:')

It's when it pains you so much, yet you feel happy that it's over and done with.
Maybe after all, things really did fall into place. Now i'm really looking forward to the end of 'A's :')

Testimonial

was writing my testimonial just now. surprisingly, i got stuck at the CCA part. I really don't know what to write, not because I have nothing to write. but because something this dear to me, it can't be expressed in mere words...in fact, no words can express something like that...

1 month

Exactly a month left to A levels. I actually feel quite unprepared and a little worried for it. But honestly, who isn't?

It's funny how fate can twist your life around and make it seem like one big irony. A sick and cruel way of slapping you in the face.

Nothing much interesting happened today other than a mother cat and her kittens invading the boulder gym for shelter from the rain. Kinda cute. I wonder why cats are so inclined to boulder gyms. Bet miss G must have been so thrilled when she heard about it lol. Our very own team pet. Other than a monkey of course :) which kinda reminds me that I have a duty to do after A levels has ended. A duty that I will gladly exchange this miserable studying life with any day.

Time to eat dinner, then gonna start on my work later.

Oh yeah, after talking to JY today on the bus after H3, I realized that MY isn't really that bad a teacher after all. I guess he really does love to teach considering that he is always full of energy... In a way, I'm glad that he is my H3 teacher and for going beyond what is required of him as a teacher.

Wow

Can't believe I posted 22 times last month. Hmm. This month will probably have less posts considering how close it is to A levels. But maybe there could be more since my mind is so active these days.

I think when graduation day comes next Friday, I'm gonna dedicate a whole long post to everyone that has made an impact in my JC life in some way or another. Probably gonna be damn sentimental but it's the last chance to be, so why not?

Doing Maktab tmr! Been a long time since I did and I hope it doesn't rain tmr morning.

K thx bye.

Sister's birthday

Celebrated my oldest sis birthday yesterday by going out with my family members for dinner at some Thai restaurant. My two sisters' boyfriends came along too. Felt kinda bad that I didn't give my sis any present. It just slipped my mind. I only realized her birthday was on Sunday the day before. Too caught up with all the workload and revision to do for school.

During dinner yesterday, my aunt asked me when would I get a gf. I didn't expect such a question to be asked when I'm so young. Damn it I'm not even 18 yet. I guess it's because all my cousins, even those that are younger than me, are in a relationship. But well, all I can say is, I'll let nature take its course. Anyway, I'd rather find the right person then just settle for anyone and end up having a screwed up and volatile relationship history. But to be honest, much of my past was so complicated I don't even know how to explain it. But as for now, what I must really care about is my A levels. Something like that shouldn't be a concern now at all... And besides, I'm already happy having the friends around me. Doesn't mean that you're single means you're alone in this world. But I'm certain that when the time comes, it will come. I just hope it would be something more stable than past experiences...

On the way home now from school. H3 just ended. Just got stocked up with all the work to do for the week. Gonna be really demanding and hardcore. Hope I can squeeze in some time to read the notes of topics I'm still weak at rather than pure practice.

Well there's nothing more I feel like saying, so that's about it for today.