Burnout

Yesterday was such a terrible day for me because I was feeling so frustrated while studying. I've never felt that exhausted and my confidence so broken before; it as if I was experiencing a burnout. I don't know why this has happened to me emotionally but it's also affecting my climbing a lot and I hate this feeling so much. I'm just glad that through it all, Sab is there to listen to me and cheer me up. I don't know what I'll do without her. 

Maybe it's because I've set too high expectations on myself. But I've always been somewhat of an overachiever, so why is it that only now do I feel this way? Have I lost all of that motivation and resilience to get better in everything I do? I'm sorry that you all have to put up with me lamenting on my blog so much but I just need to vent out all of this stress that I'm feeling right now. 

Could it be that I'm sick of going to school? Apart from the friends that I really talk to I'm just getting tired of having to say hi and wave at acquaintances and play this stupid uni social game. To be honest, I'd rather just be ignored and left alone. I just wish everyone, including myself, would be more genuine. Everyone's trying to put up a happy front in school, that everything is okay, trying their best not to seem awkward in front of others and we slowly kill our real personality everyday. I miss the freedom of the summer break of just doing whatever I want, of being myself, and just climbing all day.

I really hope things will improve soon, especially for my climbing. I find solace in climbing and it helps me feel better emotionally. I'm sure that if my climbing gets better, then so will my ability in coping with my studies.