the death of everything

feels like i'm losing my friends one by one, but all I can do is just watch the friendships fade away. But at least that's a way to tell who are the true and real friends around me. Those that understand my absence and appreciate my presence. It's scary to see how easily you can disappear from people's life, as if all the past memories never mattered at all. It sort of reminds me of what death is like. Sure, everyone mourns initially, but within weeks, most just get back to their normal routine lives, as if the person's death was nothing more than a mere speck of dust in a wind of change. It all boils down to who considers you more significant than just a speck of dust. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being a good friend. But I'd rather be myself that to force myself to sustain a friendship. A friendship should not require any effort at all in my opinion, it just requires a mutual understanding and trust which can withstand the test of time. too bad this is not something you can find everyone, some friendships will just have to die eventually.